I wanna know why he still sent me the text despite the fact that he already has someone he likes and he doesn't like me at all. Why is he acting all nice? I'd rather him be a jerk and be honest with me. Who did he think he is? A saint? Tryna do me a favor? Does he think that he is doing some sorta charity work helping the 'needy'?
Cos' it feels nothing but all those negative crap.

He must have thought that I will be goddamn glad. Whooping. Crying tears of happiness but hell no. I'm crying tears of uncertainties. Really regret knowing him. The headstrong girl being defeated by some guy. How embarassing.


Things that are too surreal won't last.
They are just dream bubbles threatening to burst anytime without warning.


You scare me really. Because of your casualness.
Because you still mislead and give false hopes when you already have someone you like.

I wasn't expecting ANYTHING when I confessed to him. No one would believe this but it's true. I want no reply. I want no promises. I want no obligations. I wasn't looking for anything at all. I'm comfortable with the idea of us being just ex co-workers. I'm too used to unrequited love.

I mustered up all the courage that I've accumulated for years, words that were meant to be said to him , someone whom I liked for 5 whole fucking years were so easily passed on to someone else. Now I'm thinking ; is it worth it?
I've barely any strength or courage to believe in anything, anymore.

MM is so fucking right. She said that I'm obsessed with the idea of confessing rather than him, himself. It shouldn't be that case at all.
Then again, I wanna do myself justice. I'm always wondering 'What if I told him? Would the outcome be different?' I've watched him changed girlfriends so many times over the years till I lost count. Falling in and outta love was so easy for him but I remained rooted, unwavered and hanged on to the tiniest possibility even though it's just that 0.0001%.

We were all too scared to say the things worth saying. How true can that be?
I never had the balls to confess , scare the shit outta him and screw things up.
I'm certain that I'm just one outta those many girls who passed by and never managed to stay.
I don't need any of this to ruin our friendship.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.
I'm afraid of so many things because I don't like it when my heart fucking ache so much till I thought I would rather die.
You will know what I mean if you've been through an unrequited love for years. Not just a crush or infactuation or anything.
Just altruistic love where you didn't expect anything. You can just watch him from aside and that's enough.

I know that few years later I will look back and remember these memories and laugh about it but right now I'm not gonna lie that it fucking hurts.
I'm like stuck in a maze, turning round and round unable to find an exit, trapped. What I need now is the emotionally not politically/logically correct answer. And I know that if I want the correct answer, I shouldn't even have asked the wrong question in the first place.

He should seriously feel flattered. I never bother with someone so much. People come and go but why is it proven that he's not one of them?

It's no one's fault. I can't blame anyone. I brought this misery upon myself.