RIP, Aunt - In - Law

My mom’s brother’s wife /sister-in-law who is also my aunt-in-law just passed away recently. She was diagnosed with Kidney failure, diabetes, high blood pressure. Her sudden death was unexpected as her condition doesn’t seemed critical at the point of dying. She had a cut near her ankle (I think) and it wouldn’t heal. The fact that her wound wouldn’t heal could be attributed to Diabetes mellitus. The containminated open wound left one of her nerve exposed to the air and most probably led to an infection which caused her fever.However, I didn’t expect her to leave us so early. From what my momma had descibed, she puked after eating a bowl of noodles and was immediately sent to the hospital, then she fell into a coma and was announced brain dead a few hours later.

My mom came home sobbing like a helpless lost kid. It is definitely heart wrenching to watch a strong and loud authoritarian woman crumble and break down into someone who just need some protection. I hugged her immediately, knowing that details can be left aside first and her feelings were more important than anything else then. For once..I just altruistically want to make her feel better.

That kinda ache is different from any physical pain whereby popping a pill can solve everything. That kinda pain lingers on for days, weeks and even after years, it still catch you off guard and haunts you when you start to forget its existence.

It reminds me my maternal grandfather’s (mom’s dad) death. I didn’t know this man at all, he seemed like a foreign figure as I didn’t spend anytime with him before (we live in seperate countries). I just know him by the name of ‘grandfather’. It truly hurts so much.. I was around 7 then, having little capacity to truly feel sorry for anyone or even myself. My granddad’s funeral wake was a nightmare. I remember mom holding on to the coffin and hugging it tightly as she cried her eyes out. Those cries were.. awful. It was tragic. It was painful. Loud mournful moans that splits at the end and repeatedly rings in my ears like echoes. That painful, saddest expression that I’ve ever seen says “Take me along” and that refusal to live without her pillar of support couldn’t be explained unless you were there to experience it yourself. Despite not acknowledging my mom’s dad as a close relative, I still cried badly. and I guess you should know the reason why.

Because I felt so lost. I have absolutely no idea why momma was crying hysterically and asking for someone to be back. Before the loss of granddad, I’ve never once experience watching someone’s die. I have no idea what is life and death. And then.. momma said “He’s dead” means that he is no longer alive and with us.
Because I felt so sad. It wasn’t due to someone’s death but by my mom’s saddness. It is overwhelmingly contagious. I felt sad because mom is sad. Simple as that. Back then, I couldn’t comprehend why I feel sad. I just did. But now, I realized it is because of love. I love my mom. Infact I love her too much to feel her pain, feel her saddness and feel sad just by watching her cry.

Now history repeats itself. Sadly, my mom’s worst fear came true, her sister-in-law left us on the exact same date as her dad did.
The doctors expected it, they said her days are numbered. She might pass away within these few days. My dad expected her death too, claiming that she might not make it more than 2 days. Mom expected it as well, she fear that my aunt-in-law might leave us on the same date as my granddad did, more than a decade ago. However , I underestimated their assumptions. Because I wasn’t there to see how frail and sick she was. In my mind, being in a coma literally translate to being unconcious, which in my script, tells me that she will wake up after a day or two of sleep/unconsciousness/rest. I thought she would wake up after 2 days or maybe miracles would happen. Just like how it did in many surreal movies. But a coma is still a coma. It should never be disregarded as unconsciousness. Coma is a persistent , prolonged state of unconsciousness.

Welcome to reality, fool. Miracles that happened in movies were surreal and they are never gonna happen because they were just merely lies to give us false hopes.