To counsel or be counseled?

The first counseling session I ever had took place on Dec 4th, friday. To be honest, I was realy nervous and uncertain of myself. Reason being, I lack of two things which most of my other adult classmates have - Confidence and Experience. I was never a good public speaker, not a good presentor. I shiver at the thought of standing infront of the whole class and holding up my script reciting whatever message that I need to convey. It doesn’t help that the air condition makes me shiver further and have the urge to pee in my pants.

I’m a “technical” person. This simply means that I follow the rules, act accordingly, read the whole book and memorize the concepts instead of understanding them. Theory is definitely more appealing to me than practical learning session. Thus this explains my fear of practical sessions such as presentation and counseling session.

I even wrote down all the counseling methods, concepts, theories and skills. Those different kinda responding, active/passive listening, questioning skills. I remember em one by one and recite it as though it is a holy bible.

One most important thing about counseling is self awareness. Most of us might have encounter “slips of tongue” - when we wonder out loud and say something unconsciously. You might have said something nasty which will hurt someone’s feeling unconsciously. Not being aware of your thoughts, the surrounding, the emotions of the conversational partner might spark off some unwanted dispute when the other party finds what you say intimidating. This is the last thing that you want it to happen during a counseling session when both the counselor and client are trying to build a professional therapeutic relationship. Being aware of yourself and your client’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs, emotions, reaction by detecting them from non verbal and verbal cues save you from the trouble of fighting mandated client’s resilience when they refuse to trust you. Knowing when to react appropriately, when should the passive and active listening sets in, which follow up / strategic questions to use for understanding a vague discussion or simply helping transition to be smooth , which counseling theories (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, Egan’s model , Client Centered Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to use and SOLER. All these is needed when counselor explore client’s wrenching emotional world. Thus being constantly aware of what is going on and planning the next step while prosecuting the current one can definitely stress out a counselor and makes him/her bring their workload back home.

Despite this , I would still have to say that being a client is much more difficult then being a counselor. After playing both roles, I realized that I’m able to talk more when I’m the counselor. I was somehow speechless and found it hard to explore and relate my feelings as a client. One of the uncertainity that I had is “Can I really trust her with my secrets?”. Exploring your own raw emotions can be harder than what you thought. It’s not everyday you get your raw feelings/experiences explored and discussed openly by others. You will see yourself as an object for that moment and doubt whatever that you say. Confusion sets in when you are unable to pick up the dominating feeling that is bugging you among those mixed feelings.

T agreed that being a client is much more disheartening. It is easier to mend someone’s broken heart then to confront your fears and face your vulnerablities.Talking about my own feelings has never been easy for me before..You feel frustrated when the counselor or yourself couldn’t pick up the common theme. You feel intimidated, traumatized upon realization of the issue’s severity. Our tears nearly fall during the short 30 mins session because it was too much to handle. Reality reminds you of what is happening right now ,facing a predicadment, and what is ideal. Emotion is an invisible powerful force that makes you yield to breakdowns and irrationalization.