Unfaithful

Today, my co worker and I hanged out at a place where I used to frequent in the past. When my sis and I were on good terms. Apparently, my sis and I had a tiff but we were sorta fine now even though she deleted me on FB and has yet to add me back. Relationships are like mirrors, once it's broken, no matter how hard you try to mend it, the cracklines will still be visible.


Memories can be the most haunting access to our past.

That place gave me lotsa memories. Good and of course, bad ones. One thing about bad memories is that it haunts you for a very long time even after years when you thought that everything were all healed. It creeped upon you so quietly and despicably that you won't even notice its existence. It make your eyes well up with tears without you realizing.

I can remember vividly that day when my sis called me around midnight sobbing and telling me about her discovery, the shocking truth about her husband's extramarital affairs. I took a cab down and only returned home when she calmed herself down. My folks questioned where did I went, I refused to tell them the truth. Secrets were meant to be kept, weren't they?

Her husband's lover is a muslim lady, working as a receptionist at the mall.I remember that one time when we tried stalking her at the exact same mall where we went today. My sis was afraid of being found out as she was tryna get some clues and evidence. I don't understand why she has to be afraid.. She has done nothing wrong. She isn't the one who cheated. She isn't the one who went back home late at unearthly hours without informing. She isn't the one who shamelessly cuddle and f*cked with someone else who is not her spouse. She isn't the one who recorded the process and leave it around to create mess and unbearable heartache.She isn't unfaithful.
Infact, she has done everything that a husband should ask for. She gave up her youth, her time and other opportunities to marry a jerk like him. Tell me, how much is a jerk like him worth fighting for? I would say a bastard ain't worth the trouble.

To me, things are simple. You strayed, you cheated, you betrayed, you get outta my life.
I advised her to leave her husband without considering the consequences for her.
It takes 3 years of seperation before you can legally divorce with your 'spouse'.
What happen to the apartment after seperation? Her kid? Living expenses?
These are the prices you have to pay for loving the wrong person. Stupid right.
But.......
Why would you wanna keep hanging on to a loose rope that might snap anytime?
Why tolerate the nonsense that an inconsiderate, son of a bitch created?
Why get trapped in this misery when you can break free?
What makes her think that he still deserves her?

My sis must be one of the most silliest / simplest person I've ever met.
Her magnanimousness and ability to forgive have far exceeded a human's capability.

I used to have this classmate who lied to us. She denied her own marriage , her own child. I went to her house and she introduced her husband as her brother. She introduced her daughter as her niece.I saw the birth certificate of her daughter. Mother's name stated on the BC is clearly her name and Father's name is her 'brother's'.
She told me about her first love whom she has feelings for, about them dating despite him having another gf. She told me about them meeting up even after he married his gf. She was pregnant and even a goon could tell. She lied again, telling me that it's the medication that she was taking that made her 'bloated'. She can lie so easily without batting an eyelid but her love for her child can't. I counted the months and it was right. She looked 6 months pregnant when I last saw her and 3 months later, she used an newborn infant picture as her msn display picture.

I couln't comprehend why she had to lie. But I realized, she was afraid of being judged as she has cheated. Adultery is considered a sin. A religious catholic like her wouldn't let such a sin shame her. . But I still couldn't accept the fact that she lied to all of us...

Now, I guess I can accept the fact without being judgemental.
I understand why she denied her marriage and the existence of her children.

Maybe because my sister has done almost the same thing but at least she was honest with her feelings. She wasn't in denial, she admitted that the marriage has already fallen apart, beyond repair.She wanna give up on this hopeless marriage but she still cares for her husband. She couldn't do anything cos' she has a child to raise.
My sis and my bro-in-law has someone whom they like now.
Legally , it is considered cheating, adultery.
Spiritually, it is considered detaching yourself from the figure which you've chosen to attach yourself to.

Love is simply just a feeling that requires other concurring and contributing factors to make it fall together and make it stronger. Love can be gone but faithfulness still has to stay. Being unfaithful make everything falls apart; the responsibility, credibility and whatever it has got to take to make it work, perish together.

Ya talkin' bout me?

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

Unlucky

- Dropped my transportation card and it has like 20 over dollars worth of value inside!!
- Tore my 1 week's old gray contacts (AGAIN) . this happened at least 4 times already!!
- Nasty leg cramp in da morn which woke me up from my peaceful sleep.
- Weirdo who keeps on staring and grinning creeped me out.
- Body and neck all stiff and aching made me lose focus.
- Got called 'stupid' for da 1st time ever since I started working there 5 months ago.

List of things that GMH

1) There was once when I was late, pondering if I should run to catch the train which already arrived. I gave up thinking that I can't be bothered and I shall take a cab instead. I was pacing around when I saw this middle aged couple running to catch the train. What makes them so special is that the husband is wheelchair bound and his wife was pushing him and running. They were laughing so happily, whereas we, people with no disability are grudging the fact that we have to run. Their fighting spirit GMH.


2) A vts, dad of a cancer patient showed us his son's picture taken on his birthday. His son was bald, sick and soggy from the chemo but in his dad's eyes he remains as a beautiful child. The Dad was proud of his son even though he has no achievement. He was just proud that his son is alive, fighting for his life, not losing faith and keeping it going. This is the biggest achievement his son has ever had and it made him proud. The Dad's unconditional love GMH.

3) I saw this young guy who has a disability and he has to use crutches to walk. Every step to him was a struggle, the look on his face suggest it all. While most of the time I will be complaining that I'm lazy to walk over to the loo, this guy actually suffered way more than I do. Maybe to him, walking is as tiring as running is to me but yet, he keep himself going. His fighting spirit GMH.

4) Watch this and you know why

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA&feature=related

Happy but not contented? Sad but Contented?

Felt that before?

When you have almost everything that you wished for but it's never enough for you cos' contentment is something which you will never learn?

Sad yet contented cos' you know that things were at its best even thou not as much as you expected?

You and Me, always between the lines

You and me?

Someone asked 'You and who?'.
I kept quiet because the answer is obvious.
So obvious that I would rather pretend that I don't know.
Because the answer doesn't matter at all as it's never ever gonna be 'You and Me'.
It has always been 'You and her' and nothing is gonna change that fact.
I was never in the picture and will never be in it.
I'm always invisible.

Invisibility

When your existence doesn't matter in his world at all.
When he can't see you no matter how many times you appear infront of him.
Like sweetness turned into ferocity.
A plea turned into a threat.

Between the lines

"I would say I was depressed.
But you know, we've all been there.
This is about loving someone who doesn't love back.
And, I know, it sucks right.."


I know that feeling.
When your world revolves around him and nothing else mattered except him.
But your existence meant merely nothing in his life at all.

When you try so hard to get his attention but he never notices you because he was too busy trying to get into her world.

There could only be one beautiful lady among the other gorgeous ones and that person could never be you.

When you can do nothing but stand aside looking at him and thought how nice it would be if he likes you back.

When others comment that 'You guys look compatible' but you can only just shrug and reply 'We're just friends.'

When what he has done for you has long exceeded the line and you guys were beyond friends which make you feel as though you were a friend with benefit except that you have gained no benefits at all.

When you try to pretend that you were fine and all so happy when you were actually slowly dying inside.

When 'heart wrenched' is an understatement that has barely any value to describe your current condition.

When you forgive something which has never been a sin before.

When you try so hard to walk off and forget every lil single details but you find yourself going back, replaying things that once happened before and will never happen again.

When you seek solace by rewinding those memories in hope that it will keep you warm through the night.

When you step into this vicious cycle and will be trapped in it for years.

I've found my way out after 5 years and I never once looked back.
You made me look back again.

Investing time despite knowing that we might get nothin' in return, you would do that. I know because we were both simple, or rather, foolish enough to do that.

contentment is an understatement

I've never felt this good for quite a long time already.

Plans got changed cos' someone decided to do so.
Fucken pissed off man. I hate last min changes.
I know I sound like some autistic kid but I srsly need time to adjust to changes.
But I still went out anyways cos' I'm already all dressed up and ready to leave (that's when that somebody texted me to tell me that she can only make it 2 hours later. AND after 30 mins, she texted me again to tell me that she has something on with her sis and can't make it until night time)
FUCKEN PISSED OFF MAN. Like what sorta excuse is that???
I know there aint guarantees in life but you can make choices ya know??
your decision to prioritize suggest nth but that you're either 1)irreponsible or 2)treat things way too easily which either one make it unforgivable and intolerable.
enuff of that shit srsly. srsly pissing the shit outta me.



I went to the bookstores and saw quite alot of books that I've always wanted to buy on discount!!
How awesome is Jesus Christ man.
Half an hour spent in the bookstore and I spent a total of $68.50 on 7 books.
Too good to be true yea :) :) :)

I got :
1) Handle with care - Jodi Picoult (MY FAVORITE~!)
2) Ugly - Constance Briscoe
3) The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
4) When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit - Judith Kerr
5) My Bestfriend's Girl - Dorothy Koomson
6) Paths Of Glory - Jeffrey Archer
7) Sweetie - Jenny Tomlin

(these should be able to last me for 2 weeks??)

Then I went to ikea and had dinner with dad. The food there is awesome as usual.. especially the meatballs. Wanted to get hotdog bun an hour after dinner but dad stopped me from doing so T^T

I got dad and myself curtain rods, lotsa photo frames, floor lamp, mirror, vase, artificial daisy etc. The white bookshelf that I planned on buying is a tad too big, think it might hit the ceiling so I skipped that.

Next on my list :
- white bookcase
- white bedside table
- huge clock
- white study table
- white bedframe

Tmr is gonna be a fucken long day. work > bbq chicken korean eatery with YMM > Claire's chalet.
SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO TMR :(

p/s: I hate azn chicks who act all so white. It's epic fail cos' azns are supposed to be FOBBY.

PEACE OUT.

cos' no one has ever told me that I'm beautiful.

cos' I'm sick of superficial statements.

cos' every girls deserved to be told that they are beautiful no matter how unattractive they look.

cos' all these lil details matter alot.

cos' all these might even save a life.