I hate working for money.

There were at least 9 girls working for different brands. All of em are quite old (middle aged)..
Can't stand the sight of em gathering in the centre of the drug store chatting as though they were shopping instead of working.
And worst thing, I don't like gossiping with a bunch of old ppl.
Generation gap yea ;)

Even old women can be bitchy yea.
There's this promoter, X, who dislikes another brand promoter ,Y, and used me to relieve some of her instintual deliberate vent of anger on her.
X told me that Y persuaded a customer of mine to buy her products instead and she succeeded and dump my co's product elsewhere. Then X manipulated me by asking me to ask Y where did she put the product. Y asked me why did I asked and I told her that X told me to do so.
I was trying to make it clear that I don't give a damn at all.It is a problem between em both, NOT ME. Commission is nothing to me.
I work for the basic pay and so sorry to say that I don't receive a single extra cent as commission.

Bitchy old witches.


Enuff of ranting.

Kitchen : The restricted area

Oh gawwddd. I'm so fucken hungry and it's 12: 30 am now.

Just went into the kitchen to look around for food.
Bad choice I would say.

I can see blueberry muffins and jars of peanut butter/ garlic spread / chocolate hazelnut spread on the table.

Looking into the fridge, I see Mac n cheese in a pan, oatmeal and milk, salad , ready cooked wholemeal pasta, kimchi all in different tupperware..milk tea in a tumbler, a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream..
Cheese slices...
Cartons of milk and fruit juices..

So many dressings and sauces!!
Blue cheese, italian dressing, thousand island dressing, four cheese pasta sauce, black pepper sauce, kimchi sauce..



I'm going crazy!!
I feel like mixing the ready cooked pasta with the sauce and eat until I choke on em.
I so wanna eat em all.
Just sit infront of the fridge and eat all those evil food.
Until all of em disappear from my sight..
I'm so fucken hungry.

Jan 28th, 2010 (Thursday)

Collection of uniform / Coincidental Meet up with HS classmates

Breakfast : 2 slices garlic wholemeal toast, 1 kiwi, blueberry pancake topped with chocomint ice cream. 1 glass of milk tea with honey

refreshing combi : Blueberry pancake + chocomint ice cream and kiwi

Blueberry muffins

Salad which I make for dinner



This is what I call, FOBBY

Loving my headphones

Jan 25th, 2010 (Monday)

Job briefing + Dinner with Rabia


Went to a briefing somewhere near the west industrial area. International Business Park to be precise. I must be dying to earn some money badly to think that I travelled all the way from east to west. As usual, I can't find my way and the map doesn't show the exact location of the building which I'm looking for so I took a cab again. I'm spending so much money in order to get this job. Travelling to the city at least thrice, taking a cab twice, buying white pants etc.
Pfft. Oh, I forgot to mention that it was my first time entering a meeting room and it's hella big and has lotsa high tech gadgets! Impressive!


Waited for Rabia to arrive for nearly 2 hours. *faints*
Thank god I brought a novel with me. But bad news is that my mp3 died on me, making me really frustrated having to wait for 2 hours w/o music and doing nothing as I finished the book after waiting for 15 mins.



We walked over to some azn eatery place. Just acia. I had creamy chicken spaghetti :)Not the best but still passable. 6 scoops of chocolate chip & chocolate ice cream. 2 mugs of pepsi light.

After dining, we chilled out at the seating areas outside the fountain and smoked while listening to some music. An awesome way to spend my evening. Smoking, chatting and relaxing after a long day.

Thanks to my awesome companion who sings *You and I togther, It just feels so right~~*
* Kwon and Go together, it just feels so right~~*, who asked me to carry her laptop for at least 5 times before I decided to be nice and carry her bag for her, who always pay me some loose, tattered, old $2 notes as I settle the bill first.

Next time, you are gonna settle the bill first. I don't like loose messy clutter of notes pls.

Jan 24th , 2010 (Sunday)

Dinner/grocery shopping/trash bin hunt




I was craving for Ikea meatballs so Ymm and I headed to Ikea and Giant to hunt for my waste paper basket, have dinner together and shop for some groceries.I got the cheapest waste ppr basket among the other expensive ones which most prolly cost like... $20 ++

The meatballs were awesome :) perfect mushroom sauce!!
Regretted not having the hot dog bun thou.

Awesome companion :D

Jan 23rd, 2010 (Saturday)

Whoa! These few days were pretty busy for me. Went for the interview which i mentioned on my previous blog post. Then went down to another interview and waited for the manager to arrive as she was late for AN HOUR. Can you believe it?? I had an exam the following day and I'm wasting my time waiting for some big shot who spent less than 5 minutes looking at all the gals face to choose who look alright to work for her. Outta the 15 gals, I'm the (unlucky) one whom got asked a question. She asked me about my previous position as a brand ambassador to which I replied that I was promoting some french perfumes and Korean skincare. I also mentioned the fact that I worked for Maybelline before.





Last Cpsych Exam & Blood donation

I love how the breeze can feel so cooling when you are strolling and listening to music. Peaceful, calm and relaxed. Those were the feelings that I get after the exam. Feels like all the load were finally gone and I'm thankful for everything. Thankful for being healthy enough to donate blood, for saving a life. Thankful for the ability to hear, see, walk, eat and stuffs that I'd never even thought that I should be thankful for.

The best way to live life? Simple.
Simplicity is the best.

INSOMNIA HAUNTS ME EVERY NIGHT

Severe Insomnia hit me these days.

I can't fall alseep until 7 am in the morning.

I sleep less than 5 hours each day.

It took me 2 hours tossing and turning on bed before I finally fall asleep.

I have to listen to soothing ballads for more than 30 minutes to get into the mood of sleeping.

My annoying mom unconsciously woke me up when she came into my room to check on me.

She talks to me while I was sleeping causing me to wake up from from her annoying voice.

She woke me up unnecessarily asking me to check her messages.



I have shoulder and neck ache which contribute to my inability to fall asleep cos' I will be stretching my muscles every 5 mins to relieve the pain.

The pain worsen these days. It must be due to the bad sitting posture , lousy chair, long hours infront of my laptop and useless pillow that doesn't support my neck well.




I might be visiting the clinic soon. To get medicine to relive my illnesses:
- Sinus
- Body ache (especially neck and shoulders)
- Broken capillaries
- Constipation
- Insomnia

포맨 – First Kiss

약한마음갖지않기에요나랑약속해요 yakhan maeum gatji ankieyo narang yaksokhaeyo
이순간눈물도참아요 oh pleasei sungan nunmuldo chamayo oh please
달콤한키스의향기와사랑한기억들과 dalkomhan kiseuui hyanggiwa saranghan gieokdeulgwa
내작은버릇내걸음걸이내이름도지워요 nae jageun beoreut nae georeumgeori nae ireumdo jiwoyo

You one my first my dream
You one my first my kiss my world
추억은아무런힘이없는거겠죠 chueogeun amureon himi eomneungeogetjyo
녹슨기억뿐이라도하나만외워두세요 nokseun gieokppunirado hanaman oewoduseyo
You one my first my dream my world
I”m sorry

Listen girl
며칠밤만실컷울고나면나를다잊겠죠myeochil bamman silkeot ulgo namyeon nareul da itgetjyo
그래그렇게지워요 Oh girlgeurae geureoke jiwoyo
Oh girl
달콤한키스의향기와사랑한기억들과 dalkomhan kiseuui hyanggiwa saranghan gieokdeulgwa
내작은버릇내걸음걸이내이름도지워요 nae jageun beoreut nae georeumgeori nae ireumdo jiwoyo


You one my first my dream
You one my first my kiss my world
추억은아무런힘이없는거겠죠 chueogeun amureon himi eomneungeogetjyo
녹슨기억뿐이라도하나만외워두세요 nokseun gieokppunirado hanaman oewoduseyo
You one my first my dream my world
I”m sorry


수도없이기대했죠마지막사랑이그대이길sudo eobsi gidaehaetjyo majimak sarangi geudaeigil
아니었나봐그대는내첫번째상처가되어anieonna bwa geudaeneun nae cheotbeonjjae sangcheoga doeeo
남게되겠죠이젠 namge doegetjyo ijen

You one my first my dream
You one my first my kiss my world
추억은아무런힘이없는거겠죠 chueogeun amureon himi eomneungeogetjyo
녹슨기억뿐이라도하나만외워두세요 nokseun gieokppunirado hanaman oewoduseyo
You one my first my dream my world
I’m sorry
My love My kiss My dream



credit: bugs

Everything went quite well

life can be awesome at times.

The interview today was considered a success.
I was late for 45 mins because I can't find my way.
The directions given was correct but I ruined it by walking out through the other exit.
I was supposed to exit at Exit B but I couldn't see any sign board reading 'EXIT B' so I walked out from Exit C. Great job.
Well, I don't have to elaborate the rest. You would have guessed it right.
Having a lack of visual-spatial intelligence and hopelessly having no sense of direction, I walked around, circling the place. I swear I walked in an extremely fast pace for 45 mins searching for the right location. I asked ppl around me on how to get there (Dance academy) and all of them brought me to the wrong place. I was so frustrated and annoyed at my own incompetence so eventually I decided to settle it the easy way by taking a cab.
I still can't get over it. Srsly, I have walked at least 5 miles and my feet are aching right now.

The interviewer was nice enough to greet me nicely instead of snapping at me for calling her thrice to ask for directions and being late for nearly an hour.
The interview was a smooth one, there were at least 8 girls inside.
And if everything goes well, I will have to attend a briefing on friday.
Then she suddenly asked me if I wanna be a brand ambassador for a wine company stating that "You look fine". It requires me to work in a pub. Night shift (9 pm - 1 am ) and transportation fares can be claimed.
Sounds like a good deal but I'm skeptical about it.
What if it's sleazy and stuffs but she assured me that it will be nothing like that.
We will be asked to wear a long sleeve LBD.
Kinda shocked at her request to send my resume to the wine company as I was the only one who got asked among the 9 of us. Reason being "I look fine".
I hope she didn't mean it the negative way.


I headed to the mall and decided to check out the grocery stores. I had no plans to get anything as I knew that it's gonna be a hassle carrying heavy grocery bags while travelling back home. But eventually I gave in to the temptation of buying healthy food. I got San Remo wholemeal spaghetti, Vegeroni, Kraft fat free thousand island dressing raw wheat germ, kimchi sauce and Jiffy blueberry muffin mix. All healthy stuffs yea.

OTW back home, I decided that I have not bought enough stuffs so I asked dad for some money and headed to the grocery store nearby my house to buy healthy stuffs again.
All these weigh at least 16 lbs so I had to call dad for help.
I was kinda suprised that dad is willing to fetch me home! He can be such a sweet heart at times. I guess he gave in because of my 애교 voice lol!
Whatever the reason is, I'm thankful that he came specially from home, ditching the tv programme to help me out.
A man can be srsly useful at times, he can help you carry heavy grocery bags like my dad did. I'm so proud at him :) and myself for managing to ask him to come out specially for me cos' dad never really give in to any request from momma. LMFAO!

Results

As title suggests, I will be talking about RESULTS.
Fairly disappointed to know that I received a miserable Distinction grade for my 'Disorders in Infancy & Early childhood'

I thought I would get High Distinction as I spent alot of time and effort on those reflective essays. I think those essays that I wrote doesn't reflect my reflections. This simply means that I didn't include enough reflections in them. Deal with it man, it's entirely my fault for not having enough experience / reflecting enough.


Oh btw, I just found out that my college uses the Australia's grading system. Which is grading accordingly to Fail, Pass, Credit, Distinction and High Distinction instead of GPA. It's much less complicating as compared to GPA system I guess.

OH. The deferred exam will be held on Jan 23rd, saturday. Bad news cos I have less than 6 days to study. I forgot everything that I learnt within a month of break. GREAT JOB

Penpal letters

Sent out letters and christmas cards to 3 of my penpals. Hopefully they will receive it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that the postman will get the address right which I doubt so judging on the illegibility of my handwriting.

I might be writing more of em to my other penpals whom I have promised for months that I will write when I have the time.

PO

Last Journey

I'm finally spending some time thinking about.. the past. I hate it when I do this because it gets me all emotional and upset. Well, I have decided to talk about my aunt's last journey.
I woke up on time that day. All those foreign rituals and practice made me really confused and scared. Never gone through a funeral procedure before , (except my granddad's funeral which I never remember any details about it cos' I was too young then).
I guess I had this hysterical and terrified, somehow shocked expression written on my face cos' I can feel my cousin's stare. He constantly looked behind as thou worried that I might faint from shock or something.
I can't help tagging behind my mom and tugging the sleeves of her shirt. I wanted to clarify my doubts but I can't do so as it will be deemed as disrespectful.

I know this sound hella weird but I miss that day alot. When all of us, relatives, friends of relatives, extended family network came from various places despite their busy schedule to gather for aunt's last walk. I experienced alot of love being spread around. Those love came in the form of questions, compliments and memories that were once created and will never be forgotten. This aunt-in-law of mine is extremely fond of me and it kinda made me feel loved and flattered, the way that momma will / had never be able to make me feel. She constantly compliment me for being beautiful and good mannered etc. Those words were so comforting. It made me smile even though I know I shouldn't as I was supposed to be mourning. Momma never does that, she assumed I was never capable of anything which is proven correct cos' I'm such a lazy, unmotivated bum who does nothing, has nothing and is nothing. I'm a nobody in short. Whatever I do doesn't matter or has an effect on others I guess.

Oh.. I didn't cry at all during the whole mourning period which is most prolly 7 hours on the last day. Almost every female present cried , including my momma, some aunts and my niece who most prolly have never met my aunt at all. The live band were playing with their instruments and all the loud mournful music create a heavy atmosphere around us. All of us came upon the realization that today is really THE LAST DAY to see aunt. She will be cremated and what remains will only be fine ashes. I wanted to hug momma tightly to stop her from crying because watching her cry makes my eyes tear but I decided that she has the right to stop crying whenever she likes. Afterall it's her emotion and we are supposed to be mourning.
The reason for not crying is because I refrained myself from crying from the start and I was determined to keep it that way no matter how close I might be related to the deceased. Crying seem to suggest fragility and weakness. It also appear to me as hypocritical to be crying on the last day while I was potraying a 'oh, deal with it' attitude. I don't have a right and reason to be crying if I wasn't even feeling totally in pain and wrenched. You won't feel the pain or sadness for losing something which you have never been compassionate about.
It isn't the same case for my aunt's two kids. One of em, the elder brother particularly was crying so badly and he look shattered and haggard. He used to be on close terms with his momma being the favored child. I was wondering why on earth wasn't he crying on the first few days. He appeared to be nonchalant and did a great job interacting and socializing with the guests. Admirable , I would say. I have a soft spot for people who are crying and I had the urge to hug those 2 kids atm. Makes me wonder how am I supposed to live without my folks. I might even refuse to live if one of em leaves me having a strong attachment to em, especially my momma whom I have heavily depended on.


oot : one of my uncle said that I resemble Fann wong and I would have suggested him to get his eyes checked if he ain't my uncle and if I don't have to spare the formality. I look nowhere close to Fann considering the fact that my nose is 3 times bigger than hers, my skin tone is 5 shades darker than hers, my fortune is 1/9000000 of hers, my height is 4'' shorter than hers etc (the list goes on and will never end)


BAH

Funerals set me thinking

Attending the wake makes me think even more. Practically everything set me thinking

I thought of death for the past few weeks. This happened alot when I was 10. When someone told me that the elderly loves grand children and it makes them live longer because they are happy to have em. I was afraid then, that my parents will pass away before I grow up and the 10-yo brain of mine thought of growing up asap to get married and have a baby so that my folks will live longer (If that makes sense to you)

It wasn’t easy for me to wake up in the middle of the night having to face a man’s threat to commit suicide ; jumping down the building. Those shouts, those loud voices and the desperation for an immediate solution cause your head to spin. Watching him sit on the thick block of cemented walls and all ready to fall as though his mind were all set on dying. His leg dangling in the air. His desire to be accepted and his fears to be understood and recognized. All these, I’ve been through. I fought them, the fear that it would ever happen again.

Now.. it all came back again….

Watching detective movies which is all about killing sparked off my interests for murderers and more of these shit. It makes me really curious, to learn more about murderers and their intentions to kill. It makes me really paranoid to the extent that I’ve to look back to check if someone is behind me, all ready to attack me. Walking home alone, staring on the ground looking out for shadows just in case someone is stalking you and waiting for a chance to harm you. Feeling the urgency to learn some self defense martial arts to protect yourself against imginary and non existent attackers.

Those death instinct and destructive impulses that Freud came up with really did happened. I shouldn’t indulge in insane thoughts of hurting someone intentionally or desires to be the first female killer who uses her own physical strength to kill a man. I shouldn’t wonder why women are not physically built strong enough to kill someone by the use of their strength but men do.


OOT: ‘The number 23’ is an insanely awesome movie but creepy as well.
On the brighter side / PS:
#1 - Mr cousin became Celine’s eye candy. She refers him as “handsome dude”.
#2 - I should learn how to be more sociable and friendly. In short, I should turn my introvert self into an extrovert sociable ideal self.
#3 - I should act more like my parents, especially my mom, when it comes to interacting with strangers.
#4 - I shouldn’t be all so shy and quiet (which made me seems as though I’m arrogant) when I had to be around with stranger.
#5 - I will look into someone’s eyes or at least look up when someone’s talking about me.
#6 - I should say “Thanks” instead of managing an awkward weird smile when someone passed me something.
#7 - I should say “Sorry” when my fingers brushed against someone’s hand instead of pretending that nothing happened.
#8 - I should make an effort to remember everyone’s name.

RIP, Aunt - In - Law

My mom’s brother’s wife /sister-in-law who is also my aunt-in-law just passed away recently. She was diagnosed with Kidney failure, diabetes, high blood pressure. Her sudden death was unexpected as her condition doesn’t seemed critical at the point of dying. She had a cut near her ankle (I think) and it wouldn’t heal. The fact that her wound wouldn’t heal could be attributed to Diabetes mellitus. The containminated open wound left one of her nerve exposed to the air and most probably led to an infection which caused her fever.However, I didn’t expect her to leave us so early. From what my momma had descibed, she puked after eating a bowl of noodles and was immediately sent to the hospital, then she fell into a coma and was announced brain dead a few hours later.

My mom came home sobbing like a helpless lost kid. It is definitely heart wrenching to watch a strong and loud authoritarian woman crumble and break down into someone who just need some protection. I hugged her immediately, knowing that details can be left aside first and her feelings were more important than anything else then. For once..I just altruistically want to make her feel better.

That kinda ache is different from any physical pain whereby popping a pill can solve everything. That kinda pain lingers on for days, weeks and even after years, it still catch you off guard and haunts you when you start to forget its existence.

It reminds me my maternal grandfather’s (mom’s dad) death. I didn’t know this man at all, he seemed like a foreign figure as I didn’t spend anytime with him before (we live in seperate countries). I just know him by the name of ‘grandfather’. It truly hurts so much.. I was around 7 then, having little capacity to truly feel sorry for anyone or even myself. My granddad’s funeral wake was a nightmare. I remember mom holding on to the coffin and hugging it tightly as she cried her eyes out. Those cries were.. awful. It was tragic. It was painful. Loud mournful moans that splits at the end and repeatedly rings in my ears like echoes. That painful, saddest expression that I’ve ever seen says “Take me along” and that refusal to live without her pillar of support couldn’t be explained unless you were there to experience it yourself. Despite not acknowledging my mom’s dad as a close relative, I still cried badly. and I guess you should know the reason why.

Because I felt so lost. I have absolutely no idea why momma was crying hysterically and asking for someone to be back. Before the loss of granddad, I’ve never once experience watching someone’s die. I have no idea what is life and death. And then.. momma said “He’s dead” means that he is no longer alive and with us.
Because I felt so sad. It wasn’t due to someone’s death but by my mom’s saddness. It is overwhelmingly contagious. I felt sad because mom is sad. Simple as that. Back then, I couldn’t comprehend why I feel sad. I just did. But now, I realized it is because of love. I love my mom. Infact I love her too much to feel her pain, feel her saddness and feel sad just by watching her cry.

Now history repeats itself. Sadly, my mom’s worst fear came true, her sister-in-law left us on the exact same date as her dad did.
The doctors expected it, they said her days are numbered. She might pass away within these few days. My dad expected her death too, claiming that she might not make it more than 2 days. Mom expected it as well, she fear that my aunt-in-law might leave us on the same date as my granddad did, more than a decade ago. However , I underestimated their assumptions. Because I wasn’t there to see how frail and sick she was. In my mind, being in a coma literally translate to being unconcious, which in my script, tells me that she will wake up after a day or two of sleep/unconsciousness/rest. I thought she would wake up after 2 days or maybe miracles would happen. Just like how it did in many surreal movies. But a coma is still a coma. It should never be disregarded as unconsciousness. Coma is a persistent , prolonged state of unconsciousness.

Welcome to reality, fool. Miracles that happened in movies were surreal and they are never gonna happen because they were just merely lies to give us false hopes.

Last day of 2009

Okay.. so today is the last day of 2009 and I feel… LONELY.
I know it sounds hella pathetic but I’m watching “Godzilla” while typing this now. My eyes are glued to the tv screen while my fingers are busy typing away.
Last year at this time, I was actually outside drinking with a bunch of friends. This year, I feel so lazy that I turned down invitations to go out. I was supposed to go over to Jaslyn’s place to be her companion while her husband is away for the night but it is too far away and my laziness make stay at home, staring at the tv screen and doing nothing else.
BAH. I’m craving dor ice cream but I guess all the grocery store have already closed. I might walk over to the gas station to grab something later on.

This post is meaningless.

The reason why I’m feeling kinda odd is because.. I feel that this year, time really passed by so fast that I lost track of it. In a year, I completed my specialist diploma studies and that feels kinda.. too quick. Jan 13th 2008 ; I was looking up at the lightings decorations hanging loose on the trees, one month ago, during November 2009, the same lightings were hanging on the exact location as well. The same ambience, the same lightings, the same air but the feelings that I felt now is so different. The mentality, the goals, the motives of living my life is now different. I’m struggling between finding a part time sales promoter job and a professional job. The latter definitely benefits me financially but.. holding a professional position literally means I have to act like an adult.

Yes. To sum up everything, I’m just afraid of growing up cos’ it makes me feel as thou I’m growing old. Growing up means acting like an adult. Not only physically but emotionally and psychologically. I don’t like duties, expectations, responsiblity etc.
TIME STOP MOVING PLEASE.

Busy

As that title suggest, I have been busy for the past one week. Did ast minute shopping to get myself a new bag and accessories before christmas eve went out with shila for 2 consecutive day (17th, 18th Dec).went out with jaslyn and wayne (19th dec), rabia (22th dec).
Really miss good old high school days D:

Christmas eve dinner ( Dec 24th) with MM, Jeslyn and Rabia was awesome. Had thai food, and chilled at Starbucks. Rabia kinda urged us to get wasted at a pub but I was wearing something fobby that day so I refused her to convince us to drink the night away.

I feel extremely bad for not attending my family christmas eve dinner that my sister organized. Initially, no one planned on going - because I promised my friends that we will be having din dins on xmas eve, Celine was working, Jaslyn had some urgent stuffs to settle and dad just decided that dining graciously is not his kinda thing so yea.. Shernice was friggin pissed off with em and made em all attend the dinner lol!!


Christmas day ( Dec 25th) itself was pretty boring, I stayed home all day because I was feeling all sleepy and lazy. Lisa and Lila came over that day to stay over at our place for a couple of days before their mistress return from their holiday trip.


Boxing day (dec 26th) , I went grocery shopping with Lisa and bought all the ingredients needed for making orange muffins. It turned out to be pretty successful as the muffins tasted pretty good :) Oh, I caught a cold and was down with fever, muscle ache, headache, giddiness and bloated tummy :( I suspect that it might be viral fever again, but this time , I didn’t get any flu or sorethroat symptoms, just an incredibly high temperature =/
This is the second time being sick in one month. Just my luck. pfft


p/s: I just recovered after 4 days of being sick :) p/p/s : Imma find a job soon after New Year celebration is overp/p/p/s : whoever who manage to stay till the last word, I would like to say that YOU’RE AWESOME! thanks for reading~! cheers~!


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

xoxo, Youri

Chocolate makes the world goes round

I judge people according to how they eat their chocolates. If they gobble them up , chews and swallow them as though the chocolates are free of charge , I will get really upset. This applies to how people judge others on how they eat foie gras, truffles, lobster and stuffs. Some food must be enjoyed slowly to assure full satisfaction and pleasure. Chocolates be it expensive, cheap or FOC are like the best sinful guilty pleasure ever. I eat them slowly, letting those precious babies melt in my mouth. Pure chocolate of fine qualities melts instantly in your mouth, and that warmness makes me smile. Best comfort food ever.

And no, I’m not talking about those cheapskate made in china chocolates which are mass produced on chinese festives at a dirt cheap price. Those chocolates simply cant be eaten because they are too waxy in texture, it takes forever to melt in your mouth (an indication that it isn’t pure) and it has barely no cocoa taste at all. This is when the indulgence becomes a worse nightmare ever.

Chocolate is extremely valueable to me, I eat them on day to day basis, not at a shot because your tongue will not be able to taste the goodness after the first few.

'Counseling & Communication Skills' exam deferrred

Good job. I was down with viral fever (muscle ache, flu, fever, sorethroat) and had to defer the exam cos’ I couldn’t concentrate and my head is spinning like mad.
Best thing to happen when I’m finally nearly done with my finals.
Anyways, the supplementary paper will be one month later, after the results are out. I will be taking the paper with those who failed/ didn’t turn up for the exam.
This means that I can have more time to study. I scored 35 / 40 for counseling session, 10 marks for class participation and that adds up to 45.This means that I just need 35 more marks to get HD.
Gotta work harder cos’ I’m pretty sure that I don’t have the luck to score HD for ” Childhood Disorders In Infancy”. My lecturer told T that almost all of us didn’t do well for the written assignment - reflective journals. We wrote too much crap about the theories making it sounds so technical, and we practically forgot about our reflections.
I gotta say that our group assignment for Childhood psyc was pretty fucked up as well (even though our group put in the most effort and impressed the class) cos’ our lecturer isn’t generous when it comes to giving us good grades.

To counsel or be counseled?

The first counseling session I ever had took place on Dec 4th, friday. To be honest, I was realy nervous and uncertain of myself. Reason being, I lack of two things which most of my other adult classmates have - Confidence and Experience. I was never a good public speaker, not a good presentor. I shiver at the thought of standing infront of the whole class and holding up my script reciting whatever message that I need to convey. It doesn’t help that the air condition makes me shiver further and have the urge to pee in my pants.

I’m a “technical” person. This simply means that I follow the rules, act accordingly, read the whole book and memorize the concepts instead of understanding them. Theory is definitely more appealing to me than practical learning session. Thus this explains my fear of practical sessions such as presentation and counseling session.

I even wrote down all the counseling methods, concepts, theories and skills. Those different kinda responding, active/passive listening, questioning skills. I remember em one by one and recite it as though it is a holy bible.

One most important thing about counseling is self awareness. Most of us might have encounter “slips of tongue” - when we wonder out loud and say something unconsciously. You might have said something nasty which will hurt someone’s feeling unconsciously. Not being aware of your thoughts, the surrounding, the emotions of the conversational partner might spark off some unwanted dispute when the other party finds what you say intimidating. This is the last thing that you want it to happen during a counseling session when both the counselor and client are trying to build a professional therapeutic relationship. Being aware of yourself and your client’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs, emotions, reaction by detecting them from non verbal and verbal cues save you from the trouble of fighting mandated client’s resilience when they refuse to trust you. Knowing when to react appropriately, when should the passive and active listening sets in, which follow up / strategic questions to use for understanding a vague discussion or simply helping transition to be smooth , which counseling theories (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, Egan’s model , Client Centered Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to use and SOLER. All these is needed when counselor explore client’s wrenching emotional world. Thus being constantly aware of what is going on and planning the next step while prosecuting the current one can definitely stress out a counselor and makes him/her bring their workload back home.

Despite this , I would still have to say that being a client is much more difficult then being a counselor. After playing both roles, I realized that I’m able to talk more when I’m the counselor. I was somehow speechless and found it hard to explore and relate my feelings as a client. One of the uncertainity that I had is “Can I really trust her with my secrets?”. Exploring your own raw emotions can be harder than what you thought. It’s not everyday you get your raw feelings/experiences explored and discussed openly by others. You will see yourself as an object for that moment and doubt whatever that you say. Confusion sets in when you are unable to pick up the dominating feeling that is bugging you among those mixed feelings.

T agreed that being a client is much more disheartening. It is easier to mend someone’s broken heart then to confront your fears and face your vulnerablities.Talking about my own feelings has never been easy for me before..You feel frustrated when the counselor or yourself couldn’t pick up the common theme. You feel intimidated, traumatized upon realization of the issue’s severity. Our tears nearly fall during the short 30 mins session because it was too much to handle. Reality reminds you of what is happening right now ,facing a predicadment, and what is ideal. Emotion is an invisible powerful force that makes you yield to breakdowns and irrationalization.

Secrets

Everyone has em. they have their own reasons for keeping em.
and i want to know her reasons so badly
What makes her deny her own marriage and child?

Last day of class

I had my last day of classes today.I’m already starting to miss attending lectures and participating in grp discussions,eating in class etc. The jokes that our lecturers made keeps us awake. Okay.. I have to admit that I’m disappointed because I’ve yet to add him in msn and fb -__-;;
3 more major things to complete before I can really graduate: 1) Counseling session (Dec 4th, Friday) 2) Infancy and childhood disorders exam (Dec 9th, Wednesday) 3) Counseling and communication skills exam (Dec 11th, Friday)
After this, I will be declared a free man and up next will be job hunting. I’m so friggin broke :( and my babies are still waiting for me!!!!
Feeling extremely listless and sleepy now after staying awake for more than 60 hours D: to rush my reports. I overestimated myself, I thought I will spend maximum 1 hour to edit a report but oh boy I was so wrong! I spent 3 hours instead!!! (somehow more than 3 because I can’t stop my perfectionist trait from kicking in) I was practically dozing off during class as I didn’t drink enough coffee to keep me awake <.< Barnabas sent us back home today and I slept throughout the whole journey, my head was bopping but I didn’t feel it at all. I like how we are so much like one family now, so comfortable with each other. Barney saw me cracking my neck and he placed the neck pillow on my neck even though I refused. so sweet XD
Today I found out a major secret of my classmate. It makes me think about it the whole day. The thing is I dont feel disturbed about intruding her privacy. The thing that bugs me alot is why did she lie. She must have her reasons but what exactly is the reason? I want to know so badly so I wont think of her in a negative way.
T’s cousin came over to her place today. I can’t help feeling uneasy because this is the first time a guy saw me without makeup on real life (other than my dad of course) I was instantly attracted to him not because I’m desperate for a man or what!! but he’s my style lol. Imagine this : tall, GLASSES, college student, witty, good spoken english and a tad humorous trait. I like :)
IDK why but college guys with glasses who look so geeky appeal to me alot. It makes me feel as though I can enjoy talking to him not only about entertainment stuffs but also college stuffs.
He came into the study room so many times <.< and one time, he came in when my legs were spread out in an awkard manner -__-;; the first thing which came to my mind was “oh shit, does my thighs look huge?!” lol
He came into the room and said nothing just standing there watching me for at least 10 seconds while I was doing my work. I’m damn good at pretending as though I’m unaware of what is happening at that moment.Here comes the gist : He told T that i look cute and he wanna ask me out for a dinner. (When T told me this, I rolled my eyes while trying to hide a smile and I exclaimed “WHUT?! How can I look cute without makeup. He must be blind man!!” and I guess he really is -__-;; and T replied “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This is when I quickly switched the topic because the guy that we are discussing about is HER COUSIN )
Oh in response to his statement, T said “but she only dates korean guys”. Thanks for providing the unnecessary information.
And oh yea, Shawn changed his car again. So nice to have rich folks yea. I’m envious.
Annoyance : sister who use your laptop without asking for permission. She claims that she is just using the internet only but srsly why do she need to use it when she has internet connection over her place?? the thing is ; it is extremely rude to use someone’s personal stuffs without asking for permission. doesn’t she feel a bit ashamed at all? Why would I wanna get a laptop if I want to let others read my documents, my personal feelings and look at my pictures? I would have used a desktop instead of using my own personal laptop if I feel comfortable in sharing the comp. How could someone be so insensible? and she doesn’t even feel apologetic at all. I’M fucking sure that if I were to switch on her laptop without her permission and use it, claiming that I was just surfing the net instead of poking into her private space, she would have blow her top and get angry at me for weeks. LIKE WTF?! respect my rights , my privacy okay!!!