Ya know when I make some comments about a girl being pretty it doesn't mean that I'm fishing for compliments nor am I seeking for reassurance nor am I lesbian. I assure you that I'm absolutely not.
I just like beautiful things whether it is cute or pretty, alive or inanimate.
I just feel a need to let someone know that they are beautiful to me.
Why can't people think that those compliments that I give to others are simply just compliments without any hidden agenda?
They are just rhetorical comments, nothing else. Don't read too much into it.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Favorite songs
1) Between The Lines
2) Almost Lover
3) Running Away
4) Hush, Hush, Hush
5) Go Away
6) Can't Nobody
7) King Of Anything
8) First Kiss
9) 黑白配
10) Turn It Up
11) Heartbreak Warfare
12) Let It Be
13) 好朋友
14) 自我催眠
15) Speechless
16) Love The Way You Lie
17) Fearless
18) 1,2,3,4
19) Falling Slowly
20) Just The Way You Are
2) Almost Lover
3) Running Away
4) Hush, Hush, Hush
5) Go Away
6) Can't Nobody
7) King Of Anything
8) First Kiss
9) 黑白配
10) Turn It Up
11) Heartbreak Warfare
12) Let It Be
13) 好朋友
14) 自我催眠
15) Speechless
16) Love The Way You Lie
17) Fearless
18) 1,2,3,4
19) Falling Slowly
20) Just The Way You Are
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Giving up
Letting go doesn't necessarily means that you are giving up and giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.
I've decided to let go and eventually give up. Because I know there's no point in holding on, no point in trying so hard when I already knew that I'm not getting anything out of this. It won't get me anywhere.
We are always between the lines. I've no courage to cross the borders because I know the opposite side is nothing but all images of her.
I've no tolerance for that.
There's no absoluteness in this world;just like how there will be a rebel who oppose in a communist state, a christian who loses faith in god at times, a vegan who is curious about the taste of meat, a good girl who has a wild side in her, an ugly woman who is kind hearted.
Absoluteness is pseudo but to me it's either all or nothing.
I've chosen the latter. I know I would never be able to get contented with something, I'll need everything sooner or later. So.. why not try to get used to nothing, so I won't yearn for the impossible, something not achieveable? It would be so much easier, right?
My first step is to remove all traces that would lead me back. (Which I think I already did)
Second, is to drift away and bring myself to another new level.
Third, is to slowly forget all memories like how easily you can delete a contact off your cell/msn.
I know I'll move on. It's a matter of willingness and how much effort I'm going to put in.
The stupidest thing that one could ever do is to allow yourself to love someone who is never gonna love you back because their capability is used on someone else instead.
It's almost like drinking salt water in a desert, or attempting swimming in the ocean when you don't even know how to float in water.
It's like taking the biggest step in life when you allow your heart to do what your mind would never allow. To think unwisely and irrationally with your heart instead of your brain. It's foolish.
It should all end now. Everything should come to a stop now.
RIP memories of him, RIP my feelings, RIP possibilites and hopes.
I've decided to let go and eventually give up. Because I know there's no point in holding on, no point in trying so hard when I already knew that I'm not getting anything out of this. It won't get me anywhere.
We are always between the lines. I've no courage to cross the borders because I know the opposite side is nothing but all images of her.
I've no tolerance for that.
There's no absoluteness in this world;just like how there will be a rebel who oppose in a communist state, a christian who loses faith in god at times, a vegan who is curious about the taste of meat, a good girl who has a wild side in her, an ugly woman who is kind hearted.
Absoluteness is pseudo but to me it's either all or nothing.
I've chosen the latter. I know I would never be able to get contented with something, I'll need everything sooner or later. So.. why not try to get used to nothing, so I won't yearn for the impossible, something not achieveable? It would be so much easier, right?
My first step is to remove all traces that would lead me back. (Which I think I already did)
Second, is to drift away and bring myself to another new level.
Third, is to slowly forget all memories like how easily you can delete a contact off your cell/msn.
I know I'll move on. It's a matter of willingness and how much effort I'm going to put in.
The stupidest thing that one could ever do is to allow yourself to love someone who is never gonna love you back because their capability is used on someone else instead.
It's almost like drinking salt water in a desert, or attempting swimming in the ocean when you don't even know how to float in water.
It's like taking the biggest step in life when you allow your heart to do what your mind would never allow. To think unwisely and irrationally with your heart instead of your brain. It's foolish.
It should all end now. Everything should come to a stop now.
RIP memories of him, RIP my feelings, RIP possibilites and hopes.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I'm just fucking invisible
Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible
Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible
Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible
JG : " Let me be irrational until end of this month and after that I'm getting back on my feet again. "
Guess what? I'm sharing the same sentiments as you but to be honest, I'm not confident that I can do this as well as you.
You told me the exact same thing that I told my friend.
" Find another target ; that is the only way. Convince yourself that another person is better than him, that he is not indispensable. "
We think alike seriously. But I know we will eventually act in the same manner.
We will give up trying so hard , stop giving ourselves a time limit, stop lying to ourselves, stop preventing ourselves to fall deeper, stop acting the way our mind tells us to do so and give in to our hearts. Cos' we both know that we are doomed to fail. We are clearly aware that we are merely nothing but weaklings.
Leave in peace , my persona.
You ought to take a back seat now.
Guess what? I'm sharing the same sentiments as you but to be honest, I'm not confident that I can do this as well as you.
You told me the exact same thing that I told my friend.
" Find another target ; that is the only way. Convince yourself that another person is better than him, that he is not indispensable. "
We think alike seriously. But I know we will eventually act in the same manner.
We will give up trying so hard , stop giving ourselves a time limit, stop lying to ourselves, stop preventing ourselves to fall deeper, stop acting the way our mind tells us to do so and give in to our hearts. Cos' we both know that we are doomed to fail. We are clearly aware that we are merely nothing but weaklings.
Leave in peace , my persona.
You ought to take a back seat now.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
All these while I thought that I've always wanted to protect someone but now I realized that I've always yearned for the opposite.
To be protected.
I've always displayed preference to impassive , apathetic individuals but now.. I start to learn how to like someone who is warm and big hearted.
I guess choosing to like emotional sensitive people makes me feel a lil less vulnerable. It gives me the feeling as though I'm capable of protecting 'em , making their world a lil harsh for 'em.
But this isn't true altruism.
Because protecting them makes me gain back my humanity.
Because I did it for my own interest.
This is plain selfisness.
To be protected.
I've always displayed preference to impassive , apathetic individuals but now.. I start to learn how to like someone who is warm and big hearted.
I guess choosing to like emotional sensitive people makes me feel a lil less vulnerable. It gives me the feeling as though I'm capable of protecting 'em , making their world a lil harsh for 'em.
But this isn't true altruism.
Because protecting them makes me gain back my humanity.
Because I did it for my own interest.
This is plain selfisness.
Monday, September 13, 2010
random
- I purchased something online using I banking. First time in my whole life.
- Couldn't believe the fact that I actually spent $83 on polaroid films.
- My friend and I are officially co workers AGAIN, after 2 whole long years.
- Much to my disappointment, my dad told me that the driller aint working so I can't fix my curtain rods yet not till I borrow my BIL'S driller.
- My dad and mom are officially on cold war for 4 days already all thanks to some rental issues.
- Finally developed some piccies and they make me really happy. Those happy memories :) :) :)
- Someone totally called me 'chubby'. NEVER EVER IN LIFE HAVE I BEEN CATERGORIZED AS A 'CHUBBY' GIRL BEFORE. Should shed off some lbs now now now!!
- Couldn't believe the fact that I actually spent $83 on polaroid films.
- My friend and I are officially co workers AGAIN, after 2 whole long years.
- Much to my disappointment, my dad told me that the driller aint working so I can't fix my curtain rods yet not till I borrow my BIL'S driller.
- My dad and mom are officially on cold war for 4 days already all thanks to some rental issues.
- Finally developed some piccies and they make me really happy. Those happy memories :) :) :)
- Someone totally called me 'chubby'. NEVER EVER IN LIFE HAVE I BEEN CATERGORIZED AS A 'CHUBBY' GIRL BEFORE. Should shed off some lbs now now now!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
How does it feel not to miss someone or something?
I totally forgot this feeling.
Does it makes you feel relieved? Or happy? Or maybe just nothing..?
Maybe both missing or not missing anything doesn't affect you at all.
Not a slightest difference at all.
Maybe missing one is a state of declaration.
Declaring the importance and value of the item is to you.
If only I can possess everything that I want in the world.
If only I can keep whatever that I like with me.
Right by my side.
If only being selfish is a virtue.
If only missing something doesn't feel as bad what I have expected.
I totally forgot this feeling.
Does it makes you feel relieved? Or happy? Or maybe just nothing..?
Maybe both missing or not missing anything doesn't affect you at all.
Not a slightest difference at all.
Maybe missing one is a state of declaration.
Declaring the importance and value of the item is to you.
If only I can possess everything that I want in the world.
If only I can keep whatever that I like with me.
Right by my side.
If only being selfish is a virtue.
If only missing something doesn't feel as bad what I have expected.
Questioning your self identity : Who am I?
Have you ever looked into the mirror and felt lost for a moment wondering who you really are?
Then you'll answer yourself your own name but still that isn't satisfactory.
You wonder why are you named as such and is that really you?
Afterall, there are so many millions of people out there who have the same name as you. Then you feel as though you were no longer unique.
If you have not, then you are really lucky.
Because it always happen to me.
I'm always questioning my self identity especially when I stare into the mirror at my own reflection for too long.
I wonder ; why do I look like this?
Why am I given such name?
And who am I really am?
All of a sudden , you feel distant, as though your soul were totally detached from your body and you body is nothing but merely an empty shell that doesn't belong to you.
You don't know who you really are anymore and what is your purpose in this life.
Have you went through all these before?
If no, then you must be really fortunate not to be facing the ability to doubt your self.
Then you'll answer yourself your own name but still that isn't satisfactory.
You wonder why are you named as such and is that really you?
Afterall, there are so many millions of people out there who have the same name as you. Then you feel as though you were no longer unique.
If you have not, then you are really lucky.
Because it always happen to me.
I'm always questioning my self identity especially when I stare into the mirror at my own reflection for too long.
I wonder ; why do I look like this?
Why am I given such name?
And who am I really am?
All of a sudden , you feel distant, as though your soul were totally detached from your body and you body is nothing but merely an empty shell that doesn't belong to you.
You don't know who you really are anymore and what is your purpose in this life.
Have you went through all these before?
If no, then you must be really fortunate not to be facing the ability to doubt your self.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Different Characters
Ya know i'm not exactly a fan of holy freaks.
Whenever I hear them mention the name 'Jesus Christ' or anything that has to do with the holy lord I will just creep out. But sometimes, you know when a person said it out of kindness not simply because they are strict followers of Christianity.
Today I registered an old lady who is eloquent yet soft spoken.
She told me that she has bad eye sight, her left eye is partially blind as she 'has a hole in her eyeball' and she has bad hearing. She also added that she just recently fell down and hurt both of her arms. True enough, I can see large wounds on both sides of her arms.
It made me so afraid of growing old.
Like when you grow old, you start to lose everything that you used to have.
Youth.. Beauty..
Eyesight, hearing, agility, memory, energy, immunity etc
Despite the short comings, they still have to live on with it.
I was talking about how some people might be happy but they will never feel contented but yet there are some people who feel sad but contented.
The old lady falls into the latter catergory. You can sense sadness in her voice, that she is frail and tired but yet she is thankful for the little small things that others do for her.She kept on thanking me, wishing that god will bless me.
These are the people who are willing to give when they have so little, so close to having nothing. These are the people who will cry silent tears and pray for your well being. These are the people who feel contented easily cos' they know that things were at its best even though not as much as they expected.
They are like what humans should act and behave like.
Appreciative. Be thankful for every little things that you have because no one ever said you have the rights to have them but you just did.
There are some sorta ppl who annoys the shit outta me.
Rich , boisterious, demanding pests who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
They have everything in their world, even more they could ask for but they just keep wanting more and not willing to let go or share their current possession. Contentment is something which they will never learn. They are just plain selfish.
Hate that sorta ppl who take you for granted or make a fool of you just because they know you were kind (or rather, stupid) enough to let them do so.
For instance : This dude who asked for a 50 cent coin cos' he claimed that he doesn't have enough money for his transportation fare. 2 of my co workers were fast enough to know that he is just asking for easy money while I still stupidly searched through my pouch and felt apologetic because I only have a dollar. Guess what? That dude totally said 'Nvm. I can use it to take the bus.'
Okay.. Initially he said he needed $1.30 to take the bus and he is short of $0.50 (that means he have $0.80 with him) so when I gave him a dollar, he has like $1.80 with him, an honest person would have just returned me $0.50 but he totally didn't. I nearly wanted to turn him around and demand him to give me back my change cos' I felt totally cheated. He shouldn't be living his life this way!!
IDK why but I find it embarassing enough to borrow money from anyone other than my folks how could a MAN simply asked some GIRL, who is undoubtly YOUNGER than him for money??? That doesn't make any sense right??? Not to mention that he didn't even utter a single 'Thanks'. Like where is his manners and etiquette??
It's not about the money ya know, I srsly don't care if I got cheated of 10 k (not that I have that amt of money) or 1 cent, I will still feel EQUALLY pissed off.
It's simply about how I got played a fool by some asshole who doesn't work and goes around asking for easy money. Has he got any pride at all???? Asking a woman for money?? Asking someone younger for money??
This is that sorta person who makes you afraid of strangers who ask you for coins because they don't have enough for their transportation fares. Like how on earth to know if they are lying or not?!?
Enough said man, I'm pissed. Inside out.
Peace out. Imma turn in early tonight. Left with 4 hours of sleep.
Whenever I hear them mention the name 'Jesus Christ' or anything that has to do with the holy lord I will just creep out. But sometimes, you know when a person said it out of kindness not simply because they are strict followers of Christianity.
Today I registered an old lady who is eloquent yet soft spoken.
She told me that she has bad eye sight, her left eye is partially blind as she 'has a hole in her eyeball' and she has bad hearing. She also added that she just recently fell down and hurt both of her arms. True enough, I can see large wounds on both sides of her arms.
It made me so afraid of growing old.
Like when you grow old, you start to lose everything that you used to have.
Youth.. Beauty..
Eyesight, hearing, agility, memory, energy, immunity etc
Despite the short comings, they still have to live on with it.
I was talking about how some people might be happy but they will never feel contented but yet there are some people who feel sad but contented.
The old lady falls into the latter catergory. You can sense sadness in her voice, that she is frail and tired but yet she is thankful for the little small things that others do for her.She kept on thanking me, wishing that god will bless me.
These are the people who are willing to give when they have so little, so close to having nothing. These are the people who will cry silent tears and pray for your well being. These are the people who feel contented easily cos' they know that things were at its best even though not as much as they expected.
They are like what humans should act and behave like.
Appreciative. Be thankful for every little things that you have because no one ever said you have the rights to have them but you just did.
There are some sorta ppl who annoys the shit outta me.
Rich , boisterious, demanding pests who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
They have everything in their world, even more they could ask for but they just keep wanting more and not willing to let go or share their current possession. Contentment is something which they will never learn. They are just plain selfish.
Hate that sorta ppl who take you for granted or make a fool of you just because they know you were kind (or rather, stupid) enough to let them do so.
For instance : This dude who asked for a 50 cent coin cos' he claimed that he doesn't have enough money for his transportation fare. 2 of my co workers were fast enough to know that he is just asking for easy money while I still stupidly searched through my pouch and felt apologetic because I only have a dollar. Guess what? That dude totally said 'Nvm. I can use it to take the bus.'
Okay.. Initially he said he needed $1.30 to take the bus and he is short of $0.50 (that means he have $0.80 with him) so when I gave him a dollar, he has like $1.80 with him, an honest person would have just returned me $0.50 but he totally didn't. I nearly wanted to turn him around and demand him to give me back my change cos' I felt totally cheated. He shouldn't be living his life this way!!
IDK why but I find it embarassing enough to borrow money from anyone other than my folks how could a MAN simply asked some GIRL, who is undoubtly YOUNGER than him for money??? That doesn't make any sense right??? Not to mention that he didn't even utter a single 'Thanks'. Like where is his manners and etiquette??
It's not about the money ya know, I srsly don't care if I got cheated of 10 k (not that I have that amt of money) or 1 cent, I will still feel EQUALLY pissed off.
It's simply about how I got played a fool by some asshole who doesn't work and goes around asking for easy money. Has he got any pride at all???? Asking a woman for money?? Asking someone younger for money??
This is that sorta person who makes you afraid of strangers who ask you for coins because they don't have enough for their transportation fares. Like how on earth to know if they are lying or not?!?
Enough said man, I'm pissed. Inside out.
Peace out. Imma turn in early tonight. Left with 4 hours of sleep.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
September Wishlist
- IB
- Tea + health supplements
- New look apparels
- Polaroid films
- Online shopping (rompers, white dresses)
- White dress
- denim cardigan
- Leather bag
- The Beatles tee shirt
- Canvas bag
- Leather wedge
http://www.etsy.com/listing/52689085/the-beatles-fab-four-black-and-white
Nietzsche's Eyes
I take on the water until the dam threatens to break
I became a little dull , my voice became too small
I'm getting down this ,getting down this You were not my superman
Now that I step back to see I haven't been me
I became a little dull , my voice became too small
I'm getting down this ,getting down this You were not my superman
Now that I step back to see I haven't been me
Inspirational role model : Constance Briscoe
Constance Briscoe : "When they are old enough, they should have it. Well if they have a complex about themselves, and it's eating away their lives or preventing them moving forward, then when they are old enough, they should have it, if it makes them feel better about themselves. "
Interviewer : "So what were your own issues that led you to plastic surgery?"
Constance Briscoe : "Issue of ugliness. Which I thought could be resolved by having surgery."
Interviewer : "But you only thought you were ugly cos' your mother told you. "
Constance Briscoe : "Well that ..it might have been a bit of both actually.
It might been because I was ugly and because my mother told me and because I had money to sort it out, so.. both."
People like her who have been through shit but yet managed to survive and define her own success GMH.
I totally agree on her views on cosmestic surgery.
If you need it to boost your ego and give you confidence , go ahead with it.
One thing which I really admire about Constance Briscoe is her ability to seek strength from her misery and sufferings. She is so in touch with reality and she spoke in a matter of factly tone as though she's used to it, resigned to the cruelty that life has offered her and has never once pitied herself.
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