Hello Hello!

Christmas Eve Dinner 2010

Wedding Dress - Taeyang

네가 그와 다투고
때론 그 땜에 울고
힘들어 할때면
난 희망을 느끼고
아무도 모르게 맘 아, 아, 아프고
네 작은 미소면 또 담담해지고
네가 혹시나 내 마음을 알게될까봐
알아버리면 우린 멀어지게 될까봐
난 숨을 죽여 또 입술을 깨물어
제발 그를 떠나 내게 오길

Baby 제발 그의 손을 잡지마
Coz you should be my lady
오랜 시간 기다려온 날
돌아봐 줘

노래가 울리면 이젠 너는
그와 평생을 함께 하죠
오늘이 오지 않기를
그렇게나 매일 밤 기도했는데

네가 입은 웨딩 드레스, oh no
내가 아니잖아
Oh, 네가 입은 웨딩 드레스

내 맘을 몰라줬던 네가 너무 미워서
가끔은 네가 불행하길 난 바랬어

이미 내 눈물은 다 마, 마, 마르고
버릇처럼 혼자 너에게 말하고
매일 밤 그렇게 불안했던 걸 보면 난
이렇게 될거란 걸 알았는지도 몰라
난 눈을 감아, 끝이 없는 꿈을 꿔
제발 그를 떠나 내게 오길

Baby, 지나가는 그의 손을 잡지마
Coz you should be my lady
오랜 시간 기다려온 날 돌아봐 줘

노래가 울리면 이젠 너는
그와 평생을 함께 하죠
오늘이 오지 않기를
그렇게나 매일 밤 기도했는데


네가 입은 웨딩 드레스
내가 아니잖아
Oh, 네가 입은 웨딩 드레스, oh, no

부디 그와 행복해
너를 잊을 수 있게
내 초라했던 모습들 다 잊어 줘
비록 한 동안은 나
죽을만큼 힘이 들겠지만

No, oh

너무 오랜 시간을 착각 속에
홀로 바보처럼 살았죠
아직도 늘 그녀는
날 보고 새하얗게 웃고 있는데

네가 입은 웨딩 드레스
Oh, no
네가 입은 웨딩 드레스

Baby Baby - 4men

이유를 몰랐어 왜 내가 변했는지
한참 생각했어 나 만난 이후로
나 변한 것 같아 아주 많이 말이야
이 노래 들리니 oh

니가 너무 고맙잖아 oh baby
니가 너무 예쁘잖아 oh
눈을 뗄 수가 없어 내 눈엔 너만 보여
너만 계속 바로 보고 싶잖아 난 oh 정말 oh baby


하루가 지나고 (하루가 지나고)
또 다시만나고 그러다 헤어지고
또 다시 만나게 되고 너무 좋은거야
마냥 웃기만 해 이런 내가 보이니? woo baby


니가 너무 고맙잖아 oh baby
니가 너무 예쁘잖아 woo
눈을 뗄수가 없어 내 눈엔 너만 보여
너만 계속 바라보고 싶잖아 난 oh 정말
내 하루 하루가 너무 행복해서 oh baby
이런날이 끝나질 않길 모든게 다 변하지 않길


니가 너무 고맙잖아 oh baby
니가 너무 예쁘잖아 oh oh oh ye
눈을 뗄 수가 없어 내 눈엔 너만 보여
너만 계속 바라보고 싶잖아 난 oh 정말
Oh baby oh oh oh

Death is like a forbidden topic, a taboo that every living species is afraid to talk about.
There are different stages in grieving. One of them is denial.
If one haven't really gotten over someone's death , they will flinch upon hearing the deceased's name.


Never ever ready ; to let go.

The person lives in you no matter how hard you try to pull yourself away from it.
They just do. You start to do the things that he/she does.
Listening to the music that he/she listens.
Eating the food that he likes.
Saying the same words that he says.
Frequenting the places where he used to go to.
Tiny body movements that you might not even realized.

紀伊國屋書店

No balls

There's this visitor who totally pissed the shit outta me.
One fine night, my coworkers and I were sorta relaxing as there aint visitors and this 30 ish chinese visitor/cg came up to me and complained.
About kids playing around with wheelchair when there aint even enough wheelchair.
And he said 'Hope you will tell them to stop fooling around. If you don't do so, I'll tell them personally or call the police.'
Immediately, I wanted to reply 'Go ahead and call the police. Don't bother us with all this.'
I despise this sorta man (is he even a man at all, no balls at all!) who needs someone to pass the message cos' they simply don't have the balls to tell others off themselves.
Why would he need us, a TEMP CLERK who is only in charge of registration to convey the message?
Why would he need a POLICEMAN, who is prolly busy with some other SIGNIFICANT (murder, rape, robbery etc) cases?
This totally proved that he has NO BALLS.
Do you think the sheriff would even bother to entertain him?
I would like to them him straight at his face :
'Sir, the police wouldn't entertain you because
1) The wheelchair is not YOUR property, it belongs to the hospital.
2) The lady is really hurt, she is limping, she might need the wheelchair as much as your mom.
3) You make a police report not because you feel that you would be doing justice to other patients but because of you ownr personal nasty experience, your own personal feelings. It is selfish of you to do so and you need to sort them out.
4) You are a man, why don't you have the balls to them straight in their face?
5) What made you so sure that at that point of time when your mom fell , the wheelchairs were used by teeny boppers who were playing around with it?
6) Wheelchairs and complaints have got nothing to do with us, the screening counter staffs. We basically help people to register only. You want information? Go to the info counter. You wanna make a complaint? Go to Service Quality department? WHEELCHAIRS? Wheerchair bay / info counter staffs. Can you tell how IRRELEVANT it is of you to ask us, who has got nothing to do with the above to settle your personal grudge against teenagers who you alleged played around with wheelchair thus causing your mom to fall without the use of it? It's like asking the pharmacist about surgeries, cashier about the ingredients in the curry puff etc (you get a gist of what I mean?!?)
7) I CAN'T EMPHASIZE MORE ON 'BE A MAN'
8) No use crying over spilled milk. Don't push the burden / responsibility or attribute your mom's misfortune to anyone. Why have you never thought for a single second that you were the one who didn't support your mom well thus she fell? Why don't you carry the blame, be responsible for it?

Wishing's just no good
'Cause you don't see me like I wish you would

Wishlist

- Union Jack top
- Lace top
- Black checkered bag
- White canvas tote bag
- Black boots
- Keyboard stickers
- Knee high socks
- Boots socks
- Gel cushion
- Baby breath seeds, soil, plant pot
- Treadmill
- DSLR cam
- Armchair
- Reading floor lamp
- Coffee table
- Sofa-bed frame

Dysphoria

I've been a lil too emotional lately and I suspect it's due to PMS.
2 days ago, I helped this middle aged man to locate a patient.
This man, he works as a cleaner. He is sorta limping and doesn't have much strength.
The patient that he wanted to visit was merely someone whom he saw everyday and says hi to. Ya know, when people visits a patient, they would usually buy bouquet of flowers, balloon, chicken essence, bird nest etc.. but he bought the patient something so common, something which we drink everyday and takes it for granted - Milo.
Who the hell in the world would have appreciated Milo in normal circumstances?
Who would be thankful if they received a tin of milo and condensed milk as a get-well gift?
I would.
Because it's the thought that counts.
This old man here, he has so little yet he is willing to give so much.
He doesn't earn much but he managed to get something so practical yet thoughtful for his acquaintance.
The whole point of why I feel so strongly is because the value of a gift isn't determined by the price tag. It's the thought, the appreciation which you would feel when you know you actually matter.
Bad thing is, I can't find the patient even though I brought him up to the ward..
BUT he felt bad for holding me up cos' it was my lunch time.
He got me some puffs from the bakery shop near by.
I nearly wanted to cry.
This old man, he appreciated my act of kindness which I'm paid to do so.
I didn't helped him on accord of my true altruism. I did it because I was obliged to do so but he didn't see all these. He didn't see that this act of kindness was flawed.
He was glad, thankful that I helped even though I failed.
Normal (yes , I mean normal, angry, agitated) visitors would have cursed and swore at me by then but he didn't.


p/s: She is everything that you dreamed of.
Yes, she is EVERYTHING.
But what am I? Have you ever thought of what I am?
Am I really nothing at all?

Every Singaporean Son

I've always been interested in how the army works in Singapore and my coworker sent me a msg on FB asking me to youtube 'Every Singaporean Son'.
One of the most fascinating documentary I've ever seen, best next to the documentary of a north korean's life and assassination of Abraham Lincoln.
This video shows Kenneth who lost his gun's magazine (I still can't figure why it's called 'magazine') and he was frantic. He cried and said that he is willing to take any punishment if there's any. I was really surprised cos' he is known to be the 'joker' among them. Few days in camp and he is trained to be so professional and responsible already.. This really proved my statement that "guys went in as boys and came out as men".

I'm a loser in love

Today my co-worker abruptly asked me a question which he already long knew the answer. It's a question related to the matters of heart.
He said : "I'm just curious, but you really never had a bf before?"
I replied : "Yup, I thought it's already a known fact?"
He in return, replied : "You told me before that the guys you liked never like you back and you dislike those who likes you."


Sad thing is, that is the truth.
I went on telling him about this guy whom I LIKED for 5 whole fucking years but never once noticed me. I watched him change girlfriends after girlfriends and I still can remember their names. My coworker then told me that I'm overly jealous.
Ironically, I agree and disagree at the same time. Yes, I can be insanely jealous at times but No, I don't feel jealous of those girls. I feel envious instead. I never once dreamed of being with him, I just quietly watched him from aside, and for me, that was enough. Yes, there were times when I expected more and it made me so disappointed till I break down and cry. I can't help feeling that way either, it's just human nature to feel sore when you can't get something which you really like.
That person whom I like, never once told me that I'm ugly when his friends thought so. He is the most caring person , warm at heart even though he seemed really cool on the outside.
Humans are weird creatures. Those who seem cold on the outside actually have much more capability to give you warmth. Whereas those who seem warm hearted on the outside can be so much harder to understand,especially their intentions.

Ya know, you thought you were all healed. You thought you have already forgotten everything, let go of everything but somehow, something as tiny and harmless like a reminder, a question, teasing, can just pull you back into misery and reality.


Funny thing is, no matter how long I've been beside him, he just doesn't notice me. I'm just that invisible.

Don't ask me why I didn't try hard enough.
Because I never had the balls to confess , scare the shit outta him and screw things up.
Because I'm certain that I'm just one outta those many girls who passed by and never managed to stay.
Because I don't need any of this to ruin our friendship.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

There was once when our friend teased us and he said "I'm not good enough.She can find better guys. " Like wtf is this reasoning? I thought there is no inequality in love at all? You love someone for whom he/she is and not because for whom he/she isn't.

And to those superficial guys who gave up after trying 2~3 times, all I can say is that you can find better looking, smarter, submissive, money minded, easy girls out there. No point trying at all, cos' I like the chase, I like choosing whom I should like.

And lastly, YES, I admit that I'm a loser in love. Never once won a battle, or rather, never once intended to fight any battles cos' I'm too afraid of losing.

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

P/S: : It feels so great to let everything out after like.. 6 years??????
I feel sorta relieved now, as though I took a load off my chest.

P/P/S: This is the exact same situation which is happening now. I mean, the most recent guy whom I LIKED. But seriously, Imma stop torturing myself, Imma let go of everything and just let it be.

You gotta ring the alarm

M!

baby , you are so beautiful to me...

http://goods.gmarket.com.sg/gmkt.inc/Goods/Goods.aspx?goodscode=401029465

All or Nothing

Today Ymm asked me if I really want nothing from him and I said "Yea, it's either gonna be all or nothing for me". I chose the latter cos' it's easier. I've something right now but I know that I will never get contented with just that and sooner or later, I'll ask for everything so why not just get used to having nothing. It is like the idea of idealism and realism.
Nothing = Realism. Everything = Idealism.
Sometimes, I've already prepared myself for the worst so that disappointment will never have a chance to set in. I get disappointed easily and I'd rather disappoint myself by choice than to let others destroy me first.

I know, being apart's a little hard to bear.
You've got all that I need.

p/s: Just when I'm talking about all or nothing, someone posted on his fb wall this awesome song "All Or Nothing" by one of my favorite yet underrated rock band, Theory Of A Deadman. Coincidence much.

pp/s: My crazy sis asked me to save up $ for a NY trip next summer. WTH I've no savings. None at all. Where do I start from man?!? I can't stop myself from buying clothes online, buying makeup, skincare, books and food!!

Letters to...

http://sleepingwithlions.tumblr.com/post/716106295/as-requested-letters-to

Inspired by Adam Joseph Benjamin Holmes or whoever the creator is :)

AS REQUESTED, LETTERS TO…


day 1 — your best friend

day 2 — your crush

day 3 — your parents

day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)

day 5 — your dreams

day 6 — a stranger

day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

day 8 — your favorite internet friend

day 9 — someone you wish you could meet

day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to

day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you

day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from

day 15 — the person you miss the most

day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country

day 17 — someone from your childhood

day 18 — the person that you wish you could be

day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest

day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression

day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to

day 23 — the last person you kissed

day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory

day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times

day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to

day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day

day 28 — someone that changed your life

day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

day 30 — your reflection in the mirror

Malice and Spite is not my thing

Okay, this is my first complaint letter (or rather, email) ever. I'm not sugar and spice and everything nice but neither am I nasty and obnoxious. But when I've had enough, I really mean I've had enough. No testing of the waters or pushing the buttons. Especially when I'm already on the ledge. This is the exact complaint letter that I sent under the feedback section : (I know I sound damn rude in the below letter but srsly it wasn't too much of me to say something mean to staffs who don't give a fuck at all)

Hi, I've received a mail from Singapore Post requesting us for the correct invoice and to include details of goods descriptions and true value as the Customs Authority Of Belgium wish to verify it.
I've actually sent an email to custsvcs@singpost.com but the email couldn't get processed so I sent it to pickup@singpost.com as suggested by one of the staffs.Yet again, the email couldn't get processed and I received YET another AUTOMATED REPLY.
There's something seriously wrong with the arrangement. First, Singpost requested on the letter itself to send the email to custsvcs@singpost.com but yet it can't get processed so I called the hotline (which you guys promised would give the fastest response, yea it was fast enough but it wasn't even accurate at all) and they directed me to send it to another email address.
Can you understand the customer's frustrations? All we wanted to do was to send a parcel to our family members at Belgium but something cropped up, which I can totally understand, cos' shit does happen at times but this whole process is unbelievably time consuming . I hope you can do something better than just sending another automated reply.
I wouldn't even have give a damn if you did not demand a reply by 11 October 2010, which is 2 days away, and impose return charges when you return the parcel back here and expecting us to bear it. Not exactly impressive yea?
Afterall we paid 70 over dollars not expecting for this to happen. I believe the money that we spent to send the parcel would deserve us some efficiency and response from you all.
Thanks alot for your understanding.
Regards,
_________

Ya know when I make some comments about a girl being pretty it doesn't mean that I'm fishing for compliments nor am I seeking for reassurance nor am I lesbian. I assure you that I'm absolutely not.
I just like beautiful things whether it is cute or pretty, alive or inanimate.
I just feel a need to let someone know that they are beautiful to me.
Why can't people think that those compliments that I give to others are simply just compliments without any hidden agenda?
They are just rhetorical comments, nothing else. Don't read too much into it.

Favorite songs

1) Between The Lines
2) Almost Lover
3) Running Away
4) Hush, Hush, Hush
5) Go Away
6) Can't Nobody
7) King Of Anything
8) First Kiss
9) 黑白配
10) Turn It Up
11) Heartbreak Warfare
12) Let It Be
13) 好朋友
14) 自我催眠
15) Speechless
16) Love The Way You Lie
17) Fearless
18) 1,2,3,4
19) Falling Slowly
20) Just The Way You Are

Giving up

Letting go doesn't necessarily means that you are giving up and giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

I've decided to let go and eventually give up. Because I know there's no point in holding on, no point in trying so hard when I already knew that I'm not getting anything out of this. It won't get me anywhere.

We are always between the lines. I've no courage to cross the borders because I know the opposite side is nothing but all images of her.

I've no tolerance for that.

There's no absoluteness in this world;just like how there will be a rebel who oppose in a communist state, a christian who loses faith in god at times, a vegan who is curious about the taste of meat, a good girl who has a wild side in her, an ugly woman who is kind hearted.
Absoluteness is pseudo but to me it's either all or nothing.

I've chosen the latter. I know I would never be able to get contented with something, I'll need everything sooner or later. So.. why not try to get used to nothing, so I won't yearn for the impossible, something not achieveable? It would be so much easier, right?

My first step is to remove all traces that would lead me back. (Which I think I already did)
Second, is to drift away and bring myself to another new level.
Third, is to slowly forget all memories like how easily you can delete a contact off your cell/msn.

I know I'll move on. It's a matter of willingness and how much effort I'm going to put in.

The stupidest thing that one could ever do is to allow yourself to love someone who is never gonna love you back because their capability is used on someone else instead.

It's almost like drinking salt water in a desert, or attempting swimming in the ocean when you don't even know how to float in water.

It's like taking the biggest step in life when you allow your heart to do what your mind would never allow. To think unwisely and irrationally with your heart instead of your brain. It's foolish.

It should all end now. Everything should come to a stop now.
RIP memories of him, RIP my feelings, RIP possibilites and hopes.

I'm just fucking invisible

Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible
Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible Invisible

JG : " Let me be irrational until end of this month and after that I'm getting back on my feet again. "

Guess what? I'm sharing the same sentiments as you but to be honest, I'm not confident that I can do this as well as you.

You told me the exact same thing that I told my friend.

" Find another target ; that is the only way. Convince yourself that another person is better than him, that he is not indispensable. "

We think alike seriously. But I know we will eventually act in the same manner.
We will give up trying so hard , stop giving ourselves a time limit, stop lying to ourselves, stop preventing ourselves to fall deeper, stop acting the way our mind tells us to do so and give in to our hearts. Cos' we both know that we are doomed to fail. We are clearly aware that we are merely nothing but weaklings.

Leave in peace , my persona.
You ought to take a back seat now.

" 抱歉, 电脑系统有一点故障 " + " 婆婆 " = 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All these while I thought that I've always wanted to protect someone but now I realized that I've always yearned for the opposite.
To be protected.

I've always displayed preference to impassive , apathetic individuals but now.. I start to learn how to like someone who is warm and big hearted.

I guess choosing to like emotional sensitive people makes me feel a lil less vulnerable. It gives me the feeling as though I'm capable of protecting 'em , making their world a lil harsh for 'em.

But this isn't true altruism.
Because protecting them makes me gain back my humanity.
Because I did it for my own interest.
This is plain selfisness.

random

- I purchased something online using I banking. First time in my whole life.
- Couldn't believe the fact that I actually spent $83 on polaroid films.
- My friend and I are officially co workers AGAIN, after 2 whole long years.
- Much to my disappointment, my dad told me that the driller aint working so I can't fix my curtain rods yet not till I borrow my BIL'S driller.
- My dad and mom are officially on cold war for 4 days already all thanks to some rental issues.
- Finally developed some piccies and they make me really happy. Those happy memories :) :) :)
- Someone totally called me 'chubby'. NEVER EVER IN LIFE HAVE I BEEN CATERGORIZED AS A 'CHUBBY' GIRL BEFORE. Should shed off some lbs now now now!!

How does it feel not to miss someone or something?
I totally forgot this feeling.
Does it makes you feel relieved? Or happy? Or maybe just nothing..?
Maybe both missing or not missing anything doesn't affect you at all.
Not a slightest difference at all.
Maybe missing one is a state of declaration.
Declaring the importance and value of the item is to you.
If only I can possess everything that I want in the world.
If only I can keep whatever that I like with me.
Right by my side.
If only being selfish is a virtue.
If only missing something doesn't feel as bad what I have expected.

Questioning your self identity : Who am I?

Have you ever looked into the mirror and felt lost for a moment wondering who you really are?
Then you'll answer yourself your own name but still that isn't satisfactory.
You wonder why are you named as such and is that really you?
Afterall, there are so many millions of people out there who have the same name as you. Then you feel as though you were no longer unique.
If you have not, then you are really lucky.

Because it always happen to me.
I'm always questioning my self identity especially when I stare into the mirror at my own reflection for too long.
I wonder ; why do I look like this?
Why am I given such name?
And who am I really am?

All of a sudden , you feel distant, as though your soul were totally detached from your body and you body is nothing but merely an empty shell that doesn't belong to you.
You don't know who you really are anymore and what is your purpose in this life.

Have you went through all these before?
If no, then you must be really fortunate not to be facing the ability to doubt your self.

Nick Vujicic

" There's no point being complete on the outside when you are broken on the inside. "

Different Characters

Ya know i'm not exactly a fan of holy freaks.
Whenever I hear them mention the name 'Jesus Christ' or anything that has to do with the holy lord I will just creep out. But sometimes, you know when a person said it out of kindness not simply because they are strict followers of Christianity.

Today I registered an old lady who is eloquent yet soft spoken.
She told me that she has bad eye sight, her left eye is partially blind as she 'has a hole in her eyeball' and she has bad hearing. She also added that she just recently fell down and hurt both of her arms. True enough, I can see large wounds on both sides of her arms.
It made me so afraid of growing old.
Like when you grow old, you start to lose everything that you used to have.
Youth.. Beauty..
Eyesight, hearing, agility, memory, energy, immunity etc
Despite the short comings, they still have to live on with it.

I was talking about how some people might be happy but they will never feel contented but yet there are some people who feel sad but contented.
The old lady falls into the latter catergory. You can sense sadness in her voice, that she is frail and tired but yet she is thankful for the little small things that others do for her.She kept on thanking me, wishing that god will bless me.
These are the people who are willing to give when they have so little, so close to having nothing. These are the people who will cry silent tears and pray for your well being. These are the people who feel contented easily cos' they know that things were at its best even though not as much as they expected.
They are like what humans should act and behave like.
Appreciative. Be thankful for every little things that you have because no one ever said you have the rights to have them but you just did.

There are some sorta ppl who annoys the shit outta me.
Rich , boisterious, demanding pests who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
They have everything in their world, even more they could ask for but they just keep wanting more and not willing to let go or share their current possession. Contentment is something which they will never learn. They are just plain selfish.

Hate that sorta ppl who take you for granted or make a fool of you just because they know you were kind (or rather, stupid) enough to let them do so.
For instance : This dude who asked for a 50 cent coin cos' he claimed that he doesn't have enough money for his transportation fare. 2 of my co workers were fast enough to know that he is just asking for easy money while I still stupidly searched through my pouch and felt apologetic because I only have a dollar. Guess what? That dude totally said 'Nvm. I can use it to take the bus.'
Okay.. Initially he said he needed $1.30 to take the bus and he is short of $0.50 (that means he have $0.80 with him) so when I gave him a dollar, he has like $1.80 with him, an honest person would have just returned me $0.50 but he totally didn't. I nearly wanted to turn him around and demand him to give me back my change cos' I felt totally cheated. He shouldn't be living his life this way!!
IDK why but I find it embarassing enough to borrow money from anyone other than my folks how could a MAN simply asked some GIRL, who is undoubtly YOUNGER than him for money??? That doesn't make any sense right??? Not to mention that he didn't even utter a single 'Thanks'. Like where is his manners and etiquette??
It's not about the money ya know, I srsly don't care if I got cheated of 10 k (not that I have that amt of money) or 1 cent, I will still feel EQUALLY pissed off.
It's simply about how I got played a fool by some asshole who doesn't work and goes around asking for easy money. Has he got any pride at all???? Asking a woman for money?? Asking someone younger for money??
This is that sorta person who makes you afraid of strangers who ask you for coins because they don't have enough for their transportation fares. Like how on earth to know if they are lying or not?!?
Enough said man, I'm pissed. Inside out.

Peace out. Imma turn in early tonight. Left with 4 hours of sleep.

REMINDER

MPH bookstore at Raffles is having 30 % off storewide to celebrate their re opening!!

两个不同世界 的人 着么 倱合 在一起
就好想 油跟水 是不可能 混合 在一起的

September Wishlist

- IB
- Tea + health supplements
- New look apparels
- Polaroid films
- Online shopping (rompers, white dresses)
- White dress
- denim cardigan
- Leather bag
- The Beatles tee shirt
- Canvas bag


- Leather wedge
http://www.etsy.com/listing/52689085/the-beatles-fab-four-black-and-white

Nietzsche's Eyes

I take on the water until the dam threatens to break

I became a little dull , my voice became too small

I'm getting down this ,getting down this You were not my superman

Now that I step back to see I haven't been me

Inspirational role model : Constance Briscoe

Constance Briscoe : "When they are old enough, they should have it. Well if they have a complex about themselves, and it's eating away their lives or preventing them moving forward, then when they are old enough, they should have it, if it makes them feel better about themselves. "
Interviewer : "So what were your own issues that led you to plastic surgery?"
Constance Briscoe : "Issue of ugliness. Which I thought could be resolved by having surgery."
Interviewer : "But you only thought you were ugly cos' your mother told you. "
Constance Briscoe : "Well that ..it might have been a bit of both actually.
It might been because I was ugly and because my mother told me and because I had money to sort it out, so.. both."

People like her who have been through shit but yet managed to survive and define her own success GMH.
I totally agree on her views on cosmestic surgery.
If you need it to boost your ego and give you confidence , go ahead with it.
One thing which I really admire about Constance Briscoe is her ability to seek strength from her misery and sufferings. She is so in touch with reality and she spoke in a matter of factly tone as though she's used to it, resigned to the cruelty that life has offered her and has never once pitied herself.

Unfaithful

Today, my co worker and I hanged out at a place where I used to frequent in the past. When my sis and I were on good terms. Apparently, my sis and I had a tiff but we were sorta fine now even though she deleted me on FB and has yet to add me back. Relationships are like mirrors, once it's broken, no matter how hard you try to mend it, the cracklines will still be visible.


Memories can be the most haunting access to our past.

That place gave me lotsa memories. Good and of course, bad ones. One thing about bad memories is that it haunts you for a very long time even after years when you thought that everything were all healed. It creeped upon you so quietly and despicably that you won't even notice its existence. It make your eyes well up with tears without you realizing.

I can remember vividly that day when my sis called me around midnight sobbing and telling me about her discovery, the shocking truth about her husband's extramarital affairs. I took a cab down and only returned home when she calmed herself down. My folks questioned where did I went, I refused to tell them the truth. Secrets were meant to be kept, weren't they?

Her husband's lover is a muslim lady, working as a receptionist at the mall.I remember that one time when we tried stalking her at the exact same mall where we went today. My sis was afraid of being found out as she was tryna get some clues and evidence. I don't understand why she has to be afraid.. She has done nothing wrong. She isn't the one who cheated. She isn't the one who went back home late at unearthly hours without informing. She isn't the one who shamelessly cuddle and f*cked with someone else who is not her spouse. She isn't the one who recorded the process and leave it around to create mess and unbearable heartache.She isn't unfaithful.
Infact, she has done everything that a husband should ask for. She gave up her youth, her time and other opportunities to marry a jerk like him. Tell me, how much is a jerk like him worth fighting for? I would say a bastard ain't worth the trouble.

To me, things are simple. You strayed, you cheated, you betrayed, you get outta my life.
I advised her to leave her husband without considering the consequences for her.
It takes 3 years of seperation before you can legally divorce with your 'spouse'.
What happen to the apartment after seperation? Her kid? Living expenses?
These are the prices you have to pay for loving the wrong person. Stupid right.
But.......
Why would you wanna keep hanging on to a loose rope that might snap anytime?
Why tolerate the nonsense that an inconsiderate, son of a bitch created?
Why get trapped in this misery when you can break free?
What makes her think that he still deserves her?

My sis must be one of the most silliest / simplest person I've ever met.
Her magnanimousness and ability to forgive have far exceeded a human's capability.

I used to have this classmate who lied to us. She denied her own marriage , her own child. I went to her house and she introduced her husband as her brother. She introduced her daughter as her niece.I saw the birth certificate of her daughter. Mother's name stated on the BC is clearly her name and Father's name is her 'brother's'.
She told me about her first love whom she has feelings for, about them dating despite him having another gf. She told me about them meeting up even after he married his gf. She was pregnant and even a goon could tell. She lied again, telling me that it's the medication that she was taking that made her 'bloated'. She can lie so easily without batting an eyelid but her love for her child can't. I counted the months and it was right. She looked 6 months pregnant when I last saw her and 3 months later, she used an newborn infant picture as her msn display picture.

I couln't comprehend why she had to lie. But I realized, she was afraid of being judged as she has cheated. Adultery is considered a sin. A religious catholic like her wouldn't let such a sin shame her. . But I still couldn't accept the fact that she lied to all of us...

Now, I guess I can accept the fact without being judgemental.
I understand why she denied her marriage and the existence of her children.

Maybe because my sister has done almost the same thing but at least she was honest with her feelings. She wasn't in denial, she admitted that the marriage has already fallen apart, beyond repair.She wanna give up on this hopeless marriage but she still cares for her husband. She couldn't do anything cos' she has a child to raise.
My sis and my bro-in-law has someone whom they like now.
Legally , it is considered cheating, adultery.
Spiritually, it is considered detaching yourself from the figure which you've chosen to attach yourself to.

Love is simply just a feeling that requires other concurring and contributing factors to make it fall together and make it stronger. Love can be gone but faithfulness still has to stay. Being unfaithful make everything falls apart; the responsibility, credibility and whatever it has got to take to make it work, perish together.

Ya talkin' bout me?

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

Unlucky

- Dropped my transportation card and it has like 20 over dollars worth of value inside!!
- Tore my 1 week's old gray contacts (AGAIN) . this happened at least 4 times already!!
- Nasty leg cramp in da morn which woke me up from my peaceful sleep.
- Weirdo who keeps on staring and grinning creeped me out.
- Body and neck all stiff and aching made me lose focus.
- Got called 'stupid' for da 1st time ever since I started working there 5 months ago.

List of things that GMH

1) There was once when I was late, pondering if I should run to catch the train which already arrived. I gave up thinking that I can't be bothered and I shall take a cab instead. I was pacing around when I saw this middle aged couple running to catch the train. What makes them so special is that the husband is wheelchair bound and his wife was pushing him and running. They were laughing so happily, whereas we, people with no disability are grudging the fact that we have to run. Their fighting spirit GMH.


2) A vts, dad of a cancer patient showed us his son's picture taken on his birthday. His son was bald, sick and soggy from the chemo but in his dad's eyes he remains as a beautiful child. The Dad was proud of his son even though he has no achievement. He was just proud that his son is alive, fighting for his life, not losing faith and keeping it going. This is the biggest achievement his son has ever had and it made him proud. The Dad's unconditional love GMH.

3) I saw this young guy who has a disability and he has to use crutches to walk. Every step to him was a struggle, the look on his face suggest it all. While most of the time I will be complaining that I'm lazy to walk over to the loo, this guy actually suffered way more than I do. Maybe to him, walking is as tiring as running is to me but yet, he keep himself going. His fighting spirit GMH.

4) Watch this and you know why

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA&feature=related

Happy but not contented? Sad but Contented?

Felt that before?

When you have almost everything that you wished for but it's never enough for you cos' contentment is something which you will never learn?

Sad yet contented cos' you know that things were at its best even thou not as much as you expected?

You and Me, always between the lines

You and me?

Someone asked 'You and who?'.
I kept quiet because the answer is obvious.
So obvious that I would rather pretend that I don't know.
Because the answer doesn't matter at all as it's never ever gonna be 'You and Me'.
It has always been 'You and her' and nothing is gonna change that fact.
I was never in the picture and will never be in it.
I'm always invisible.

Invisibility

When your existence doesn't matter in his world at all.
When he can't see you no matter how many times you appear infront of him.
Like sweetness turned into ferocity.
A plea turned into a threat.

Between the lines

"I would say I was depressed.
But you know, we've all been there.
This is about loving someone who doesn't love back.
And, I know, it sucks right.."


I know that feeling.
When your world revolves around him and nothing else mattered except him.
But your existence meant merely nothing in his life at all.

When you try so hard to get his attention but he never notices you because he was too busy trying to get into her world.

There could only be one beautiful lady among the other gorgeous ones and that person could never be you.

When you can do nothing but stand aside looking at him and thought how nice it would be if he likes you back.

When others comment that 'You guys look compatible' but you can only just shrug and reply 'We're just friends.'

When what he has done for you has long exceeded the line and you guys were beyond friends which make you feel as though you were a friend with benefit except that you have gained no benefits at all.

When you try to pretend that you were fine and all so happy when you were actually slowly dying inside.

When 'heart wrenched' is an understatement that has barely any value to describe your current condition.

When you forgive something which has never been a sin before.

When you try so hard to walk off and forget every lil single details but you find yourself going back, replaying things that once happened before and will never happen again.

When you seek solace by rewinding those memories in hope that it will keep you warm through the night.

When you step into this vicious cycle and will be trapped in it for years.

I've found my way out after 5 years and I never once looked back.
You made me look back again.

Investing time despite knowing that we might get nothin' in return, you would do that. I know because we were both simple, or rather, foolish enough to do that.

contentment is an understatement

I've never felt this good for quite a long time already.

Plans got changed cos' someone decided to do so.
Fucken pissed off man. I hate last min changes.
I know I sound like some autistic kid but I srsly need time to adjust to changes.
But I still went out anyways cos' I'm already all dressed up and ready to leave (that's when that somebody texted me to tell me that she can only make it 2 hours later. AND after 30 mins, she texted me again to tell me that she has something on with her sis and can't make it until night time)
FUCKEN PISSED OFF MAN. Like what sorta excuse is that???
I know there aint guarantees in life but you can make choices ya know??
your decision to prioritize suggest nth but that you're either 1)irreponsible or 2)treat things way too easily which either one make it unforgivable and intolerable.
enuff of that shit srsly. srsly pissing the shit outta me.



I went to the bookstores and saw quite alot of books that I've always wanted to buy on discount!!
How awesome is Jesus Christ man.
Half an hour spent in the bookstore and I spent a total of $68.50 on 7 books.
Too good to be true yea :) :) :)

I got :
1) Handle with care - Jodi Picoult (MY FAVORITE~!)
2) Ugly - Constance Briscoe
3) The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
4) When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit - Judith Kerr
5) My Bestfriend's Girl - Dorothy Koomson
6) Paths Of Glory - Jeffrey Archer
7) Sweetie - Jenny Tomlin

(these should be able to last me for 2 weeks??)

Then I went to ikea and had dinner with dad. The food there is awesome as usual.. especially the meatballs. Wanted to get hotdog bun an hour after dinner but dad stopped me from doing so T^T

I got dad and myself curtain rods, lotsa photo frames, floor lamp, mirror, vase, artificial daisy etc. The white bookshelf that I planned on buying is a tad too big, think it might hit the ceiling so I skipped that.

Next on my list :
- white bookcase
- white bedside table
- huge clock
- white study table
- white bedframe

Tmr is gonna be a fucken long day. work > bbq chicken korean eatery with YMM > Claire's chalet.
SO NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO TMR :(

p/s: I hate azn chicks who act all so white. It's epic fail cos' azns are supposed to be FOBBY.

PEACE OUT.

cos' no one has ever told me that I'm beautiful.

cos' I'm sick of superficial statements.

cos' every girls deserved to be told that they are beautiful no matter how unattractive they look.

cos' all these lil details matter alot.

cos' all these might even save a life.

lotsa interesting things happened today :

1) Prime Minister came to the hospital.
2) Someone totally collasped and I thought he had a seizure.
3) Someone asked if I can speak Mandarin cos' she said I looked like a Japanese.

- kept on snoozing my alarm clock and I was nearly late.
- left house 5 mins later than usual
- boarded the cab and the cab driver asked if i went partying last night and if i were going straight to work cos' I was overdressed.
- thought that the cabbie was friendly and fatherly cos' he advised me to pursue my studies and said 'nothing is impossible if u try hard enough'.
- the journey was a fast and pleasant one.
- told the cabbie that I have to punch in/sign in first and I will return to pay him the fares, he kept QUIET, not even bothered to nod his head.
- Ran like a mad woman just to sign in at 06:24 am.
- Ran back to the cab and I used nets to pay and idk wth he pressed (current/savings) and i keyed in the CORRECT pin number but it doesn't work.
- CABBIE GOT FRUSTRATED COS' HE CAN'T THE TRANSACTION WASN'T APPROVED. (WTH. i still thought that he is nice. see how ppl change when it comes to monetary matters, he instantly turned nasty and pissed off when he knows that I'm paying via Nets)
- Cabbie claimed that his machine is fine and I didn't enter the correct pin number. I told him that he pressed (savings/current) wrongly and he stopped me abruptly. RUDE ASS. (SEE HOW REALISTIC HUMANS CAN BE??!!)
- Finally it got approved and I felt the urge to copy down his name and lodge a complaint. Yes, I was THAT ANNOYED.
- Had a small miserable serving of wholemeal cheese sandwich and black coffee w/o sugar.
- Breakie wasn't enjoyable as at all as I was constantly interrupted by visitors who keeps popping by and I feel guilty that I left my co workers to do the work while I happily munched on. Besides, I think the vts were giving me a stare as though I'm skiviing or something like that.
- Had chinese noodles and mango juice for lunch.
- So sleepy after a high GI , carb meal.
- Got my transportation allowance and instantly became richer by $46.
- Float-walked to the train station while enjoying the cool breeze. - So sleepy that I nearly fell asleep in the train while standing up (as usual) and I made Jeslyn text me until I reach my destination. - Went to the cc to submit my sis's form and I walked in the rain!! - Walked in the rain while listening to 'First Kiss' and 'You Are My Everything'. Omg.. I feel like I'm in a drama or something.. so dreamy <.<>w<


p/p/s: I'm so excited about having SUSHI TMR. I CAN'T SLEEP.
p/p/p/s: cannot be late tmr, cos' I must be credible.

today :

- missed the first bus and i had to wait for another one which came after 15 mins.
- ran for my life to catch the train.
- not a single sight of cab at the taxi stand. hardest decision of my life to decide if i should run from the train station to my workplace or wait for the taxi (either way will make me late as I'm only left with 7 mins )
- decided to run/walk instead since THERE AINT ANY CAB AT ALL!!! knew I would be late as I need around 8~9 mins to reach.
- God blessed my holy soul, I managed to reach within 6 mins and I punched in my card at 7:29 am. CLOSE SHAVE. PHEW!!
- Can't believe that I actually made it on time and broke my record of taking only 6 mins to reach.
- Legs all wobbly, lungs feel as though they are gonna explode, heart hammered hard against my ribcage, everything hurts, vision blurry. Legs gave way but I caught myself before I fall. Low BP as I'm having my period and I haven't drink any water.
- went to the loo in that bad state and I could see ppl staring as I dragged my palm on the wall for support/balance.
- Security officer told my co worker to check on me as he was afraid that I might faint in the loo.
- w68 causing major headache as usual.
- bakery shop staffs suddenly called out my name and scared the shit outta me cos Idk how they get to know my name when my name tag obviously wasn't there for 'em to refer.
- Nice visitors greet me goodbye when I was otw home.
- Met up with Jeslyn to replace her transportation card.
- She decided that she wants a new hairdo and I reconmended her a salon which I find quite good.
- Spontaneously decided that she's gonna get a new haircolor and I waited for around 1.5 hrs.
- Dr Martens on sales. $170 for a pair of boots with its leather shoes polish.
- Had gastric pain (sharp pain) all over my stomach. it feels like it's some sorta shooting fireworks inside. grabbed a cheeseburger to reduce my hunger pangs.
- slept in the bus for a good whole 45 mins.
- saw a cute girl pretending that she's helping her folks to shower. so heartwarming..
- updating some piccies as I update now.

Extremely tired but not sleepy right now so I decided to blog about my experience hanging out with my sister's bunch of friends.

It might not be a big deal to you but it is to me because I'm often against the idea of going out togther with my friend's friend/family member etc cos I'm so anti social that I'd most prolly freaked out when I have to talk to some stranger, let my persona take over but yet not over doing it cos' it is so not me.

Well, we first agreed to go to a newly launched club in town area -___-;; highly suspicious yea??
My sister was nagging at me non stop cos' I stay rooted on the chair surfing the net before we were about to leave. Seem like her worries are unnecessary because her friends arrived an hour later -__-;;
I thought it was just one of them, but 3 turned up.

Headed over to their friend's chalet party and I see more of their friends. Like 70 ++ people smoking, running around, grilling and eating food. Whoa. Hate that scene man. Smoke all around, making me smell like some kinda roasted martian (only that I smell better cos' Martians naturally smell better than Earthlings, js)
I was a lil shy to talk at first, and others were making the same comment about 'your sister is very quiet'. Idk why I act all shy and dainty when I hang around with strangers, my persona I guess..
My sister said something like : "Oh she isn't. She is extremely talkative and noisy. She speaks to me in an indian and hongkie accent"
Her friend also said that I speak like a korean when I'm speaking chinese. Korean accent mandarin??? He continue to say that I look like a korean too :D which made me kinda happy cos' he doesn't know that I'm nuts about them.
He made some comparisons and asked my sister why she aint fluent as me as we are sisters. I helped her replied btw, reason being, she is majoring in interior design and her classmates were all chinese speaking , there is no way she can practise speaking english in that environment. Furthermore, she doesn't need to do much reports, all her assignments were designing and hands on practical work. Besides, whenever she has a report or whatever slideshows to do, she will hand the work to me. Very convenient yea, and I never once turn down because I enjoy doing others' assignments other than mine.



Went to the convience store to buy some soft drinks and ice for the mixers later on. Realized that her friend is damn fickle minded and indecisive. No one bothers to fork in because that dude is rich. No one bothers to carry the grocery bag cos' that dude is a guy and guys are supposed to do all the hard work. I find it kinda ridiculous. I mean I even have to explain why I helped him to carry the grocery bags. I mean the logic is simple, the person is busy keeping his money, there's a long queue behind us and the least I could do is just to simply carry the bags so that we could save everyone some time and space. To hell with those old fashioned thinkings about guys having to carry all the heavy stuffs. It's a nice gesture I know, but I'm not weak. I'm fit enough to carry 25 lbs of grocery bags.


(why am I ranting right now?? Feeling kinda annoyed by now)

The reason why I'm hella pissed off is because I hate how money grubbing girls treat rich guys.
They are always flirting with them, liking them for their money instead of looks (fyi, looks are the 1st attraction when you meet a guy), wanting them to buy them expensive stuffs, try every means to make them pay, try every lil single way to take advantage of them, treat them like a slave but solve the problem by sweet talking or flirting with them. Poor guys yea.
That dude is rich, he has alot of girls (pests) swooning up to him, flirting and courting him because he is rich. All for the motherfucking stinkass money. Are they cheap or what??
I mean, some guys might be rich but they are totally an arrogant jerk, some might look like crap, some has no manners at all. In this case, the guy look like crap but has a way with his friends. His ex girlfriends hooked up with him, not the other way round. JUST BECAUSE HE IS RICH. cheap whores. I'd rather date someone who is finanically stable, has good manners and live in an average apartment. Financially stable means the ability to provide for my child and my expenses, especially my child's education and all the bills. My expenses doesn't include high end branded bags, spa, massage , shitloads of treatments etc. That money, I can earn it myself. One simple principle that I stick to is, never take advantage of guys and never let them to the same to you. If you want the money, earn it yourself. I don't see why I should rely on a guy when I can have the capability to do it myself. Going on dutch with a male friend is fine with me, and carrying my own shopping bags while shopping with a male friend is fine with me. His kind offer to help you without any ulterior motive is a nice gesture thou.

Random rants that matters (to me)

1) Black Queen is officially my favorite korean dance group.

2) My sis can be annoying at times, especially when she plans a last min spontaneous event (clubbing) at least once every week and calls me early in the morning for the past few days.

3) Listening to 'Hot Issue', 'So Hot', 'I don't care', 'Change' makes me feel confident. That kinda confidence which tells you that you are a big deal.



5) I'm still comtemplating if I should go to the new club with Celine this saturday. Afterall, I'm starting to work on Monday and I don't have any days left to go out.



6) I'm soooo motivated to buy furnitures (WHITE lace curtains, desktop table, desk lamp, arm swivel chair, bookshelves, four poster bed, HUGE LONG mirror), white memory pillow (for my aching neck), white quilt, bedsheets etc.

7) Can't wait to refurnish my whole room, then buy a treadmill, Ipod loud speaker so that I can run while pumping up the loud music.


8) Wished that I can install a LED 3D tv on my wall but I think that is possibly impossible.

9) My love for South KR grow stronger each day. I'm a step closer to being insanely obsessed with this awesome country. The language, food, culture, people, place etc. I'd appreciate it if anyone lemme know where I can buy the Korean Flag.


10) I got a bad feeling about this student raping the tutor when she is all alone in his apartment. I might be paranoid and judgemental but he is srsly highly suspicious. 46 yo man.. requesting a FEMALE private tutor, wanting to meet up with her before the lessons. Please tell me that I'm nuts. I srsly don't want the police to call me up and ask if I'm an accomplice -___-;;


11) I've written a whole list of food to avoid eating and food suggestion for all meals. All the food stated in the list are healthy, the right amount of serving, low GI. I think it helps a tiny weeny bit because I'm more determined to eat healthy and it serves as a gentle reminder that I should control my appetite. I'm referring to the list to check if my pick is a good choice or not (even thou I know clearly if it's or not), I just need to remind and control myself. And I refer to the list so that I have an idea what to pick up during grocery shopping,


12) Work is starting on Monday. I can't wait. I know that it will be challenging having shitload of things to do and I can't even skive for a single sec. It is great that way since the past few jobs were far too bimbotic and boring for me. Another bonus is that I can expose myself to other alternatives, working in the hospital can help me to practise my patience and make me more or less humane.

S : "Hullo"

Me : "Hullo"

S : "What are you doing?"

Me : "Watching korean guys singing. You?"

S : "Watching tv."

*long pause*

Me : "Hullo. what are you doing?"

S : "Watching tv"

*pregant pause*

Me : "Hullo. Do you remember that you are talking to me?"

S : "...."

Me : "Wassup? why did u call me??"

S : "Oh, I'm eating your kimchi right now, so I call u"

Me : "... Oh okay.."

S : "Okay. Bye"

Me : "Bye."



p/s: thanks for reading this world's lamest conversation ever. My sis has this habit of calling me just to say Hi and Bye to me. -____________-;;;;

바보처럼 - 버블시스터즈

아끼던 옷을 고르고 난 화장을 하죠
한참을 거울 앞에 앉아서
늘 하지 않아 서툰 내 손이
입술을 그리며 조금은 떨리고 있죠

아무리 유난스레 서둘러 준비하려 해봐도
눈물이 흘러 내 얼굴을 자꾸 망쳐놓죠

그대와 헤어지러 가는 날인데
난 겨우 이것밖엔 할 수가 없죠 바보처럼
마지막 그대에게 가장 예쁜 내 모습으로
기억되기를 바랄뿐이죠 그대 떠나도

지킬 자신도 없는데 또 다짐을 하죠
웃으며 그대 보내주기를
이별의 말에 눈물이 흘러
화장이 번지면 그대가 싫어할까봐

아무리 이별 앞에 내 맘을 추스르려 해봐도
아직 남겨진 내 사랑이 가만두질 않죠

그대와 헤어지러 가는 날인데
난 겨우 이것밖엔 할 수가 없죠 바보처럼
마지막 그대에게 가장 예쁜 내 모습으로
기억되기를 바랄뿐이죠 그대 떠나도

날 위한 그대사랑 어느새 다 써버렸음을
나도 알고 있는데

그대와 헤어지고 돌아가는 길
결국 내 얼굴은 다 번져버렸죠 바보처럼
하지만 뒤돌아선 그댈 보는 그 순간까지
눈물 꼭 참고 편히 보낸건 참 잘한거겠죠

i have a problem with some humans who need someone in their life
idk. i think it shows nothing but vunerability and weakness.
They always think that they are crazily in love with someone when they are attached and when they broke up, they are back to searching another log to cling on to.

I knew it instantly when I first saw him.
Someone who is gonna walk into my life, leave some footprints, some memories that can never be erased.
Tell me, please assure me that this crazy obsession will not drive me crazy.
Let me know that a feeling that last up to 5 years wouldn't last for eternity.
Please wake me up to senses and tell me that this is anything but Love.

보고싶다 - 김범수

아무리 기다려도 난 못가
바보처럼 울고 있는 너의 곁에
상처만 주는 나를 왜 모르고 기다리니
떠나가란말야
보고싶다 보고싶다
이런 내가 미워 질만큼
울고 싶다 내게무릎 끓고
모두 없던 일이 될수있다면

미칠듯 사랑했던 기억이 추억들이
너를 찾고있지만
더이상 사랑이란 변명에
너를 가둘수 없어

이러면 안되지만 죽을 만큼 보고 싶다

보고 싶다 보고 싶다
이런내가 미워질 만큼믿고 싶다
옳은 길이라고
너를 위해 떠나야만 한다고

미칠듯 사랑했던 기억이 추억들이
너를 찾고 있지만
더이상 사랑이란 변명에
너를 가둘수 없어
이러면 안되지만
죽을 만큼 보고싶다
죽을 만큼 잊고싶다

Men who enters Drugstore

are either

1) Attached.
They are either waiting for their girlfriend/wife

2) Gay.
I'm 99.9999% sure on this especially when you see two of em together and one of them is carrying a tote bag and has a large ring on his finger.

3) Metrosexual/ Vainpot
They are looking for the best mask/ cleanser etc.

You are my everything - 나오미

나의 하루 속에 네가 살고 있다는 게
많은 사람 중에 네가 내 사랑이란 게
내겐 얼만큼 놀라운 일인지
아마 넌 짐작도 못할 거야

사랑한단 말로 대신 다 할수 없어서
이 가슴으로는 전부 담을 수 없어서
매일 수백번, 수천번 되물어
이 행복 다 가져도 되는지


You`re My Everything 나 항상 곁에서
널 사랑하는 일 변하지 않을게
You`re My Everything 아무리 험한 길이라도
널 혼자두는 일 없을게
You`re My Everything…

아프고 힘든일 내가 다 먼저할 거야
더 좋은 것들만 너에게 양보할 거야
너의 웃음이 매일 어제보다
오늘 더 자라날 수 있도록

You`re My Everything 나 항상 곁에서
널 사랑하는 일 변하지 않을게
You`re My Everything 아무리 험한 길이라도
널 혼자두는 일 없을게
You`re My Everything

나에게 하늘이 허락한 날까지
내 남은 사랑이 다하는 날까지
You`re My Everything
You`re My All I`ll Do Everything
나 얼마나 널 사랑하는지 또 감사하는지
네가 후회하지 않도록 잘할게
Just You Are My Everything…

모를까봐서 - 쥬얼리

작사 한상원,이지은
작곡 한상원
노래 쥬얼리


아무도 모르죠
꿈에도 꿈에도~
그대도 모르죠
하나도 하나도~
헤어지잔 그 말이
가슴을 백번도 쳐서
하루도 온종일
잠시도 없죠
모를까봐서
아니 넌 다를까봐~서~
내 가슴이
시린 머리에 또 다시
미치게 아프고~
아리고 아릴까봐서
또 내~가 원망을
이렇게 말할수 없어서
터질것 같은 내 맘이
가리어진다 해도
사랑해 그대만을
말하고 말하죠
사랑이 뭐라고~
시간이 모든걸
해결해 줄거라고~
헝클어진 마음에
단추를 채우려해도
흩어져 하나도
모을수 없죠
모를까봐서
아니 넌 다를까봐~서~
내 가슴이
시린 머리에 또 다시
미치게 아프고~
아리고 아릴까봐서
또 내~가 원망을
이렇게 말할수 없어서
터질것 같은 내 맘이
가리어진다 해도
사랑해 그대만을
그대가 떠나가던 날
너무 아쉬워
부르고 불러도
이렇게 그대를 보내야죠
기다렸는데
하루도 쉬지 않는~데~
내 마음이
지친 눈가를 또 다시
적시게 아파도
그리운 사람이라서
또 내~가 차가운
뒷모습 남기고 떠나도
나를 찾아 오지 않아
눈물만 준다해도
사랑해 그대만을
모를까봐서
아니 넌 다를까봐~서~
내 가슴이
시린 머리에 또 다시
미치게 아프고~
아리고 아릴까봐서
또 내~가 원망을
이렇게 말할수 없어서
터질것 같은 내 맘이
가리어진다 해도
사랑해 그대만을

이태원 살인사건 review

Thumbs up :

- 장근석's acting skills were too fab for comprehension. The usual bad boy/I-can't-be-bothered attitude is damn hot!

- His english skills were surprisingly fluent. So fluent that it made me googled to check if he have ever lived in the states before.
One thing which I like alot is that he spoke in english throughout the whole movie until the last few minutes. Wish his korean aint that fluent thou so that he can be more convincing acting as an american.

- The tension of finding the truth and the motive of killing is another thing to look out for. I remember feeling a lil frustrated while waiting for the truth to be out so I googled again who is the killer. In case you dont know, this incident is an actual event that happened in Feb 1997. This means that Alex Turner Jung, Arthur Patterson is around 30 years old now.
In real life, Alex Jung was charged with murder and Arthur Patterson charged for holding down the victim.

- I like sadistic movies just like this one. 'The Chaser' is another awesome movie. kinda sick thou..

Thumbs down:

- I kinda dislike how they focus everything on Arthur Patterson even thou it can be a total new refreshing perspective for the viewers.

- I can't believe that in real life, these 2 murderers were released after less than 1.5 years of imprisionment. Scary thing is, they kill for fun. How could they kill for fun?? I have heard of murderers killing for money, insurance, love, hatred, jealously, fame, satisfy their craving for killing but never for fun.
It sound so crazy yea. They ain't even high on crack or any drugs.
They just decided to do 'something cool' and next thing we know is that an innocent life is taken away to sastify their sudden instinctual need to have fun.

I would have sentence them both to death.
How could someone be so inhumane to kill their own species for fun??

Made me kinda scared, anyone could just whip out a knife and stab me just for fun.

김치~

오이 소박이

깍두기

막김치

Top left : 오이 소박이

Bottom Left : 깍두기

Right : 막김치

Haircuts + Shopping in da city

Met up with ymm and jeslyn.

Headed to town for a haircut. We couldn't make up our mind if we should snip off our tresses that day but in the end, we did.



before haircut:

wispy ends, obvious 2 layers

picture of us after the haircut. I don't look too happy here lol.

Major pic spam cos' the lightings were awesome. It made our skin looked clear and bright lol

purchases: fobby glasses and necklaces. nail polish

Rants:

1) I wanted layers on my hair and a thick dense bang. It turned out to be a tad different thou. Bangs were too straight made me look too fobby and I want layers!!

2) Didn't manage to get my tupperware for kimchi and clothes.BAH

3) Had flu for the whole day. Mucus flowing non stop. Used 90 sheets of ppr hankerchief (9 packs)

4) The color of the nail polish is fcuked up. The pink is too dark, brown too sheer and not pigmented enuff, black is kinda dull cos' the glitter is too small to be seen.

5) Spent $80~90 that day ($30 on that oh-neighborhood-standard/so-fobby hair cut)

I wish I were Jimmy Choo's son

I wish I were Danny Choo.
I wish I were borned in London, England.
I wish I get to study korean and japanese in college.
I wish I have a cool dad who designs and have a shoe brand under his name.
I wish I can wear one of his dad's heels which cost a bomb.
I wish I speak perfect english like Danny Choo.
I wish that I can host a website which is as popular as Danny Choo's.

Can I be Danny Choo aka Jimmy Choo, the great high end shoe designer's son aka the popular japanese culture writer aka fluent in korean , japanese and korean dude?

Sistas are the best creatures ever

I met up with Celine, Chris , Jaslyn and Wayne last saturday. They came down specially to visit me at work when I asked em to do so.
Awws.. So sweet yea.
We had Mickey D's for dinner.
I finally had my double cheese burger and apple pie after craving for it for SO GODDAMN LONG.

Oh.. celine is such a sweetheart she bought me almond roca cos I was craving for some sweet stuffs. I wish I were much more generous when it comes to sharing chocolates or sweet stuffs. I can't stand sharing comfort food with others. Just saying :)

The malls closed earlier than what I expected. We shopped for less than 1 hour that night.
THere are no other 24 hr mall other than Mustafa so I suggested to shop there as I have never been there before.
My future bro in law sent us there.
Oh that place is crappy. Has a weird stench.

Just letting u know that MYTH ABOUT THE MUSTAFA SELLING CHEAP STUFFS IS TOTALLY PHONEY!!!

I was complaining throughout the shopping session because :
1) it was too crowded
2) I hate the stench
3) I hate it when someone's arm or body brushes against my skin
4) I hate annoying pests who don't apologize when they brush against someone
5) The stuffs were slightly more expensive and old
6) I dislike being in a place infested with other races than my own. Yes, call me a racist.
I just don't feel comfortable having to make eye contact with daunting huge, scary, extremely contrasted color eyes. Simply said, I don't like being the odd one out, being placed among all indians or caucasians or african american. If you know what I mean.
7) My feet were aching like mad having to support my weight for at least 12 hours by then.
8) There were simply nth to shop for.
9) I had to work the next day


Too bad I couldn't join my sister, nephew and my folks for lunch at Ikea the next day as I was working. One of the sacrifice that you have to make when you are working during weekend. Forget about spending time with your folks , instead spend time with bitchy annoying , commission-thirsty co-workers.
Goodbye family day.

I can't tolerate nonsense pls

Ya know, I hate fugly sinister looking cunts.
Being a cunt itself is bad enough. Not to mention being an old and fugly cunt.
There are no real friends in the retail world.
Everyone is paranoid about other promoters snatching their customers and over enthusiatic when it comes to earning miserable commission which is like merely a few cents.
FYI, I don't earn a single cent as commission for any items that I sold.
That means, I won't bother snatching your customer.
I sell because I want the record sheet to look impressive and it makes me feel capable selling 15 + products within 7 hours.
No other motive for wanting to close the deal.



I can't stand at least 5 ppl in my workplace.
Reasons why :
1) L has slitty eyes which makes her look mean and she drew her eyeliner way too upward. Bad attempt in trying to make her eyes look less slitty.
2) X is damn old but she wears a thick layer of makeup!! I can see her scary huge eyes with a thick coat of mascara, her sneering lips which is coated with a SHOCKING BRIGHT PINK lipstick. Horrifying!!!!!!!!! She looks exactly like Cruella de vil. No joke.
she eats too much (2 serving of food) and she 'snatched' one of my customer! I HATE BITCHES WHO IS SOOOO DESPERATE TO EARN THAT FEW CENTS OF COMMISSION!!
3) R, who acts as though she is all superior because she is a beauty consultant and she ends work early than us, the promoters. Can't stand her beehive hair with 3 mini clips and her flat nose.
4) X, who FAKE AN ACCENT cos' she thinks that I'm from AMERICA. WTF?!?
What is wrong with all these ppl?? I wish she'd stop pretending to be like me -___-;; not like I fake an accent thou. I just merely pronounce every word carefully and has an interesting tonality, articulation etc
She even slow down her eating speed to match mine and puts her soup spoon into the bowl like what I did. HULLO!!! Can you stop trying all so hard to be dainty and act so white.
What's with your disgustingly sleazy fake hard-to-tell fake american accent??
Can't you speak normally??
I swear I sound 100 times better than her.



They should get fired for gathering at the center of the store and chatting like nobody's business. If I were the manager, I would have made sure that they stand at their allocated place and serve customers. No bitchyness. No thick makeup. No eyeliner that is drawn 75 degree upward. No bright pink lipstick. No beehive hair. No messy hair. No snatching of customers. No knocking off earlier than the others. No fake american accent. No acts of daintiness.


I can't tolerate nonsense pls.

I hate working for money.

There were at least 9 girls working for different brands. All of em are quite old (middle aged)..
Can't stand the sight of em gathering in the centre of the drug store chatting as though they were shopping instead of working.
And worst thing, I don't like gossiping with a bunch of old ppl.
Generation gap yea ;)

Even old women can be bitchy yea.
There's this promoter, X, who dislikes another brand promoter ,Y, and used me to relieve some of her instintual deliberate vent of anger on her.
X told me that Y persuaded a customer of mine to buy her products instead and she succeeded and dump my co's product elsewhere. Then X manipulated me by asking me to ask Y where did she put the product. Y asked me why did I asked and I told her that X told me to do so.
I was trying to make it clear that I don't give a damn at all.It is a problem between em both, NOT ME. Commission is nothing to me.
I work for the basic pay and so sorry to say that I don't receive a single extra cent as commission.

Bitchy old witches.


Enuff of ranting.

Kitchen : The restricted area

Oh gawwddd. I'm so fucken hungry and it's 12: 30 am now.

Just went into the kitchen to look around for food.
Bad choice I would say.

I can see blueberry muffins and jars of peanut butter/ garlic spread / chocolate hazelnut spread on the table.

Looking into the fridge, I see Mac n cheese in a pan, oatmeal and milk, salad , ready cooked wholemeal pasta, kimchi all in different tupperware..milk tea in a tumbler, a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream..
Cheese slices...
Cartons of milk and fruit juices..

So many dressings and sauces!!
Blue cheese, italian dressing, thousand island dressing, four cheese pasta sauce, black pepper sauce, kimchi sauce..



I'm going crazy!!
I feel like mixing the ready cooked pasta with the sauce and eat until I choke on em.
I so wanna eat em all.
Just sit infront of the fridge and eat all those evil food.
Until all of em disappear from my sight..
I'm so fucken hungry.

Jan 28th, 2010 (Thursday)

Collection of uniform / Coincidental Meet up with HS classmates

Breakfast : 2 slices garlic wholemeal toast, 1 kiwi, blueberry pancake topped with chocomint ice cream. 1 glass of milk tea with honey

refreshing combi : Blueberry pancake + chocomint ice cream and kiwi

Blueberry muffins

Salad which I make for dinner



This is what I call, FOBBY

Loving my headphones

Jan 25th, 2010 (Monday)

Job briefing + Dinner with Rabia


Went to a briefing somewhere near the west industrial area. International Business Park to be precise. I must be dying to earn some money badly to think that I travelled all the way from east to west. As usual, I can't find my way and the map doesn't show the exact location of the building which I'm looking for so I took a cab again. I'm spending so much money in order to get this job. Travelling to the city at least thrice, taking a cab twice, buying white pants etc.
Pfft. Oh, I forgot to mention that it was my first time entering a meeting room and it's hella big and has lotsa high tech gadgets! Impressive!


Waited for Rabia to arrive for nearly 2 hours. *faints*
Thank god I brought a novel with me. But bad news is that my mp3 died on me, making me really frustrated having to wait for 2 hours w/o music and doing nothing as I finished the book after waiting for 15 mins.



We walked over to some azn eatery place. Just acia. I had creamy chicken spaghetti :)Not the best but still passable. 6 scoops of chocolate chip & chocolate ice cream. 2 mugs of pepsi light.

After dining, we chilled out at the seating areas outside the fountain and smoked while listening to some music. An awesome way to spend my evening. Smoking, chatting and relaxing after a long day.

Thanks to my awesome companion who sings *You and I togther, It just feels so right~~*
* Kwon and Go together, it just feels so right~~*, who asked me to carry her laptop for at least 5 times before I decided to be nice and carry her bag for her, who always pay me some loose, tattered, old $2 notes as I settle the bill first.

Next time, you are gonna settle the bill first. I don't like loose messy clutter of notes pls.