I just want him to like me as who I am.
Not because he need someone at some point of his life.
Not because I confessed to him and he thinks that I'm giving him a chance and he wanna give it a 'try'
Not because I'm a fucking replacement.
Not because I'm the next best thing next to her.

I'm really tired. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus at work. I just can't do anything right. And this has been going on for around 6 months already. Only that recently it became much worse. I can't be grieving all the time. It's driving me insane. It's driving me up to the walls. My heart is racing all the time and I can't breathe right.

I kinda told him just let it be. Don't start everything again. Like I stopped replying his messages then he will say something which GMH and I will go back to the starting point again. I just wanna walk out of everything. This misery, I mean. But I'm afraid.. that if he really didn't reply, I will set my mind to just let him go. And I didn't want that to happen either.
He's damn right. Why did I bother telling him my feelings when I didn't expect anything at all?
Yea right.. why did I even bother at all??
I'd rather pretend that I've never liked him before and I see him just as an ex-coworker. Nothing more.