why does it feels like i'm the only one who gives a damn. maybe i shouldn't even bother in the first place.

Don't tell me how you feel all awkward. Have you thought about me? When I told you how I feel I've considered so many things before putting in all my courage? I could possibly lose a friend. I could possibly become a joke, seriously I think I already am right now. I could possibly be defined as 'desperate', 'cheap' whatever stigma that comes along. I could possibly get rejected in the meanest ways?

What about her? You confessed to her. You asked her out. You texted her. Why can't you just do all these to me? It's either I'm less important, or you don't like me that much, or you've already decided that I'm someone who is just passing by. A phase in your life.

As I said, I'm doing myself justice. I pin no hope when I told you my feelings. I knew you already had someone you like and you will never like me cos' I'm invisible and you can't see me at all. I ASKED FOR NO REPLY. I mean what I say. Why did you fucking reply??? I want no sympathy. Are you that easy? I bet you'll accept any girls who confesses to you. I want no answer seriously. I'm trying to let go of all my feelings. I'm just trying to do something which I never had the guts to do 5 years ago.

Seriously who do you think I am? Just because I confessed means I'm okay with anything? Do you seriously think I'm that easy. I fucking hate it when he hold my hand or whatsoever.


I fucking hate the feeling of uncertainty. Hate being sad. Hate it when my heart physically ache. Hate that my self-confidence just drop when it comes to being certain your feelings. Hate it when I break down whenever I feel afraid.Hate it when I feel as though I'm losing control.

I hate guessing how he feels. All I need to hear is him telling that he likes me. Just that. Nothing else. Not some crap 'I tried for you last year.'Does that even matter at all? TRIED. As he said, tried. But gave up. Don't tell me that you fucking tried when I can't even feel your efforts. It disgusts me, really. Wth is he holding back on? I guess I'm really not worth the fight.

If he wants he, he gotta act like he really care. Don't make me feel as though I'm the only one who gives a fuck. Don't make me feel as though he doesn't like me enough. Don't make me feel that I like him more than he does and it's never gonna be mutual. Don't be inadequate. If it's gonna hurt so much before, now, how would it be like during and after the process? I've had enough. I'm gonna stop giving a damn. Stop bothering about things that ain't worth bothering. Keep my distance and save myself from another heartache. I'm 19. I don't deserve all these.